Drunk Ex-Pastors (general)

We begin this episode of DXP in a severe state of melancholy, bitching and moaning for about 15 minutes over how crap our days were and how life sucks in general. Christian then recounts his recent run-ins with two different salesmen (one tried to sell him a garage door, the other a trunk-full of meat. We’ll let you guess which one was successful). We revisit the trans people in sports issue, after which we discuss the recent events in Berlin in 1934 (oh wait, it was in Virginia a couple weeks ago. Sorry about that, I keep getting those two eras confused). After delving into the psyches of these alt-right Nazi protesters we move into our True Bromance segment in which Jason receives quite the dressing-down from Christian via a letter from 1993. Both our biebers have to do with cars: one involving where they park and the other where they drive.

Also, Serge’s espresso with a lemon twist is good, you should try it.

Direct download: 2017_08_19_0163.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:41am PDT

Episode #162 begins with a voicemail from a caller who is embarrassed at having left us a voicemail, after which we explain that there’s a space-time continuum (which is why we blasted John McCain BEFORE he shot down the GOP’s healthcare bill, but that episode was released AFTERWARDS). We hear from another caller who can’t believe the kinds of things Christian used to do with his wife, as well as from someone weighing in on that awesome ‘90s movie starring Sinbad where he played a genie (you remember that one, right? Of course you do). We are challenged on our recent statements about trans people in sports, after which our “Mansplaining Match” segment seeks to save women a ton of money (you’re welcome). “True Bromance” features a letter Jason wrote to Christian in 1994 which proves that the former ended up with the latter’s true calling. We discuss the difference between Trump and Jesus in our “Feeding Friendsy,” after which we move on to biebers: Christian’s has to do with buffets and Jason’s with visiting the bathroom after the buffet.

Also, damn that Shazaam movie was good, right?

Direct download: 2017_08_12_0162.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:06pm PDT

We begin this episode with Christian relaying his experience with Virtual Reality goggles, which quickly turns into a plan to build a VR sex dungeon in his basement (pics to follow, stay tuned). Our "Mansplaining Match" segment tries to help women realize that ducks don't necessarily have the hottest faces, but that human ones are just fine. We take a call about whether trans people ought to be treated according to their preferred gender always or just sometimes, and we weigh in on our Clown-in-Chief's tweets regarding transgender people serving in the military. "True Bromance" continues, this time with Jason reading a 24 year-old letter from his cohost in which the latter displays his Jedi mind trick skills with the ladies. Christian is biebered by just about everything that takes place while he's behind the wheel, while Jason's bieber has to do with size mattering.

Also, the women's tennis tour is about to get much more challenging....

Direct download: 2017_07_29_0161.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #160 of DXP begins with what by all accounts is a pretty sweet celebrity voice impression. We then take a call from a listener who shares his personal experience with No One (he’s an atheist now), which leads to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between divine omnipotence and human responsibility (hey, we were drunk). We take three voicemails (three!) which, we think, have something to do with community or something. After mulling over the idea of actually starting a church, we launch into “Mansplaining Match” and “Messed-Up Math” (the former has to do with parents and the latter with threesomes). Jason takes a call about why he bothers being Catholic, after which our “True Bromance” segment features Christian reading a 1994 letter from Jason. Christian’s bieber has to do with bottoms, while Jason is biebered by an improper balance of quotation marks.

Also, we should TOTALLY start a church.

Direct download: 2017_07_25_0160.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:53pm PDT

Episode #159 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller questioning Jason’s fashion sense and continues with a discussion about how many demons you get from doing yoga. We respond to some more pushback over our insistence that the Right is more overtly violent than the Left is, after which another listener expresses shock over Jason’s work ethic. Once we are sufficiently well-lubricated we weigh in on North Korea (you’re welcome), and Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment makes it clear that dating sites are not intended to help ladies find new dads for their children. WE take a call about facing adversity, and then get into our latest segment, “True Bromance,” during which Jason reads a letter Christian sent him 24 years ago (hilarity ensues). Christian is biebered by a certain lamely-spelled app, while Jason’s bieber questions what gluten ever did to anyone to deserve to be shunned the way it is lately.

Also, Manpris or Capros? You decide….

Direct download: 2017_07_23_0159.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #158 of DXP is a bit of a clusterf*ck: Not only was it delayed 24 hours due to both of us moving, but the tech issues when setting up to record were such that, well, it just doesn’t sound quite as good as it should. But as our delay demonstrated, you’re all addicted enough to this crackpipe of a show that you’ll give a bit of grace to get your fix. We begin with a voicemail from Omaha of all places, and then discuss our douchebag president’s douche son. Jason is challenged by a caller over whether the Right is more violent than the Left, and then we are both accused of alcoholism by another listener citing the CDC (but in our defense, we are apparently guilty of plenty of other “-isms” as well). Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand that their love of nature’s beauty plays no role in whether we find them so, and “Messed Up Math” explains to male 40-somethings that they’re basically pathetic and the last ones to get the joke. Finally, our “True Bromance” segment shows just how little Jason has changed over the past 20 years. Christian is biebered by his postal problems, while Jason’s bieber has to do with electricity taking itself too seriously.

Also, Schenectady is totally the new Omaha.

Direct download: 2017_07_17_0158.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:34am PDT

We begin this episode by (re)visiting the bathroom, and specifically the issues of Euro-boobs and prickly women, after which one of us insists, without having been asked, that he is not an alcoholic. Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment cautions women about whom they include in their online dating profile pics, which springboards into one of Jason’s theories about female friendships in general (hint for the ladies: Don’t let your weight fluctuate too much or you’ll need to find a new group of friends). This week’s “True Bromance” portion of the show features Jason reading a letter sent to him by Christian in 1993, complete with Bible verses and everything. We discuss MMA and violence in general, and receive some pushback from the folks at the 30-Rockers podcast about our recent criticisms of the program. We briefly discuss whether one of us is more boastful about where he’s from than the other and whether it’s warranted (which it totally is), and lastly we consider John McEnroe’s recent controversial claims about men and women actually being different. Christian is biebered by being constantly beeped at, while Jason’s bieber has to do with white people.

Also, those *were* European shampoo commercials we were watching and not porn, right?

Direct download: 2017_07_08_0157.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:19pm PDT

Episode #156 of DXP was REALLY fun to record, although chances are that neither of us remembers much of what was said (so to any nationalities, genders, races, or political persuasions we insulted, we apologize). After some initial discussion involving facial hair and bottle rockets we move into some touching territory wherein Christian reads aloud a letter (yes, letter) that Jason sent to him in 1994. We are pretty sure this will end up being a new segment since, after recording, Jason dug up around 20 old letters from Christian. So be prepared to see how frickin adorable our bromance is. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand how not to make us exhausted before we’ve even met, and our “Messed Up Math” portion of the show relays the advantages of weight gain after falling in love rather than before. We read some of Trump’s tweets just for fun, after which Christian relays how biebering click-bait is, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the illusion of actually having a choice when we doesn’t.

Also, we’re both kinda nervous about this episode. Really….

Direct download: 2017_07_01_0156.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm PDT

DXP #155 begins with a call from a southern listener who simultaneously bemoans and reinforces all the reasons we mock the South, after which we discuss just how black you have to be to be licensed to use the N-word (All? Half? 25%?). In our “Mansplaining Match” segment, Christian helps hapless women navigate the issue of dating profile pics, after which things take a somewhat depressing and morbid turn as we discuss heartbreak, capital punishment for sociopaths, suicide, and whether video games make kids violent. Jason is biebered by his state’s traffic laws, while Christian’s bieber has to do with something he has done, on average, like twice a year for his entire sad life.

Also, our sense is that “mulattoes” is no longer a thing, but we can’t pinpoint how we know that.

Direct download: 2017_06_25_0155.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm PDT

DXP #154 begins with some clarification over ‘90s bands and vocab, after which we take a call that demonstrates just how entitled and technologically inept we really are. We then are asked about the censorship of transgender boobs, which leads us into all manner of personal divulgences from nipple tweaking to masturbating on buses. Once again, Christian mansplains Match.com, focusing on profile pics and what they should include and exclude. In our “Messed-Up Math” segment, Jason outlines the unfortunate formula according to which a man’s cautionary tale becomes his goal. We get an interesting question (even though it’s from the 909) about whether being predisposed to seeing miracles helps people see them and vice versa, as well as voicemails about the treatment public figures receive in response to controversial behavior, why people think the English language is in danger, and whether it’s fair to say that conservatives are more violent than liberals (given recent events). Jason’s bieber is leading him to smoking in enclosed public places, while Christian is biebered by Jason.

Also, there’s just a LOT of nipple in this one.

Direct download: 2017_06_18_0154.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:28pm PDT