Drunk Ex-Pastors (general)

Episode #167 of Drunk Ex-Pastors finds us both home from vacation (Christian from Mexico and Jason from Europe). After catching up a bit with one another about our time apart (who, us with mutual attachment disorders?), we talk about the recent hurricane in Texas, the victims of which evangelist Joel Osteen decided not to help (our take on this may surprise you). We then begin to experience numerous technical difficulties including batteries dying, damsels calling in distress, a power outage, and a poorly timed rock show. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment focuses on overly narcissistic selfies, “True Bromance” features Christian straight-up preaching at Jason about female beauty, and “Feeding Friendsy” involves missing the forest for the cheerleaders. Jason is biebered by airline protocol, while Christian’s bieber has to do with coppertops.

Also, pig valves. That’s still a thing, right?

Direct download: 2017_09_16_0167.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:41pm PDT

This is the description you get when Jason is in Europe and Christian has to write the description and has better things to do with his short life.

Direct download: 2017_08_28_0166.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

This episode of DXP was recorded just as the Mayweather/McGregor fight was getting underway, so we begin the show mocking the sport of boxing, crapping all over the hype leading up to the fight, and otherwise insulting millions of boxing fans. Then on a serious note, Christian shares a bit about his upcoming open-heart surgery while Jason begins to seriously reconsider the whole death-pact thing (according to which if either dies the other must immediately kill himself). We then discuss the recent comments by director James Cameron about the Wonder Woman movie and whether it was the “setback” for feminists that he claimed it to be. We learn in our “Mansplaining Match” segment that there are certain things that can’t be unseen. Christian reads some old emails from Jason for our “True Bromance” portion of the show, and finally, Christian is biebered by hoity-toity movie food, while Jason’s bieber has to do with noise pollution.

Also, boxing? Not that hard.

Direct download: 2017_08_26_0165.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller pleading with us for more decorum, as though “pissing everyone off” were a new thing for us. We take a couple calls about alt-right (read, “neo-Nazi”) protesters and the Antifa movement, after which we hear an interesting and pretty compelling case for NOT removing Civil War monuments from southern parks. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment devolves into the photography habits of Mexicans, and we delve a bit into the topic of reincarnation because why not? Our “True Bromance” segment features a letter written by Christian to Jason that was never sent, meaning that Jason got to read it for the first time 20+ years after it was written. Jason is biebered by his autonomy being commandeered, while Christian’s bieber is so first-world it’s not even funny. It is pretty funny though.

Also, “you got a spider on your tip.”

Direct download: 2017_08_24_0164.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:21pm PDT

We begin this episode of DXP in a severe state of melancholy, bitching and moaning for about 15 minutes over how crap our days were and how life sucks in general. Christian then recounts his recent run-ins with two different salesmen (one tried to sell him a garage door, the other a trunk-full of meat. We’ll let you guess which one was successful). We revisit the trans people in sports issue, after which we discuss the recent events in Berlin in 1934 (oh wait, it was in Virginia a couple weeks ago. Sorry about that, I keep getting those two eras confused). After delving into the psyches of these alt-right Nazi protesters we move into our True Bromance segment in which Jason receives quite the dressing-down from Christian via a letter from 1993. Both our biebers have to do with cars: one involving where they park and the other where they drive.

Also, Serge’s espresso with a lemon twist is good, you should try it.

Direct download: 2017_08_19_0163.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:41am PDT

Episode #162 begins with a voicemail from a caller who is embarrassed at having left us a voicemail, after which we explain that there’s a space-time continuum (which is why we blasted John McCain BEFORE he shot down the GOP’s healthcare bill, but that episode was released AFTERWARDS). We hear from another caller who can’t believe the kinds of things Christian used to do with his wife, as well as from someone weighing in on that awesome ‘90s movie starring Sinbad where he played a genie (you remember that one, right? Of course you do). We are challenged on our recent statements about trans people in sports, after which our “Mansplaining Match” segment seeks to save women a ton of money (you’re welcome). “True Bromance” features a letter Jason wrote to Christian in 1994 which proves that the former ended up with the latter’s true calling. We discuss the difference between Trump and Jesus in our “Feeding Friendsy,” after which we move on to biebers: Christian’s has to do with buffets and Jason’s with visiting the bathroom after the buffet.

Also, damn that Shazaam movie was good, right?

Direct download: 2017_08_12_0162.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:06pm PDT

We begin this episode with Christian relaying his experience with Virtual Reality goggles, which quickly turns into a plan to build a VR sex dungeon in his basement (pics to follow, stay tuned). Our "Mansplaining Match" segment tries to help women realize that ducks don't necessarily have the hottest faces, but that human ones are just fine. We take a call about whether trans people ought to be treated according to their preferred gender always or just sometimes, and we weigh in on our Clown-in-Chief's tweets regarding transgender people serving in the military. "True Bromance" continues, this time with Jason reading a 24 year-old letter from his cohost in which the latter displays his Jedi mind trick skills with the ladies. Christian is biebered by just about everything that takes place while he's behind the wheel, while Jason's bieber has to do with size mattering.

Also, the women's tennis tour is about to get much more challenging....

Direct download: 2017_07_29_0161.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #160 of DXP begins with what by all accounts is a pretty sweet celebrity voice impression. We then take a call from a listener who shares his personal experience with No One (he’s an atheist now), which leads to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between divine omnipotence and human responsibility (hey, we were drunk). We take three voicemails (three!) which, we think, have something to do with community or something. After mulling over the idea of actually starting a church, we launch into “Mansplaining Match” and “Messed-Up Math” (the former has to do with parents and the latter with threesomes). Jason takes a call about why he bothers being Catholic, after which our “True Bromance” segment features Christian reading a 1994 letter from Jason. Christian’s bieber has to do with bottoms, while Jason is biebered by an improper balance of quotation marks.

Also, we should TOTALLY start a church.

Direct download: 2017_07_25_0160.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:53pm PDT

Episode #159 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller questioning Jason’s fashion sense and continues with a discussion about how many demons you get from doing yoga. We respond to some more pushback over our insistence that the Right is more overtly violent than the Left is, after which another listener expresses shock over Jason’s work ethic. Once we are sufficiently well-lubricated we weigh in on North Korea (you’re welcome), and Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment makes it clear that dating sites are not intended to help ladies find new dads for their children. WE take a call about facing adversity, and then get into our latest segment, “True Bromance,” during which Jason reads a letter Christian sent him 24 years ago (hilarity ensues). Christian is biebered by a certain lamely-spelled app, while Jason’s bieber questions what gluten ever did to anyone to deserve to be shunned the way it is lately.

Also, Manpris or Capros? You decide….

Direct download: 2017_07_23_0159.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #158 of DXP is a bit of a clusterf*ck: Not only was it delayed 24 hours due to both of us moving, but the tech issues when setting up to record were such that, well, it just doesn’t sound quite as good as it should. But as our delay demonstrated, you’re all addicted enough to this crackpipe of a show that you’ll give a bit of grace to get your fix. We begin with a voicemail from Omaha of all places, and then discuss our douchebag president’s douche son. Jason is challenged by a caller over whether the Right is more violent than the Left, and then we are both accused of alcoholism by another listener citing the CDC (but in our defense, we are apparently guilty of plenty of other “-isms” as well). Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand that their love of nature’s beauty plays no role in whether we find them so, and “Messed Up Math” explains to male 40-somethings that they’re basically pathetic and the last ones to get the joke. Finally, our “True Bromance” segment shows just how little Jason has changed over the past 20 years. Christian is biebered by his postal problems, while Jason’s bieber has to do with electricity taking itself too seriously.

Also, Schenectady is totally the new Omaha.

Direct download: 2017_07_17_0158.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:34am PDT