Drunk Ex-Pastors (general)

Episode #159 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller questioning Jason’s fashion sense and continues with a discussion about how many demons you get from doing yoga. We respond to some more pushback over our insistence that the Right is more overtly violent than the Left is, after which another listener expresses shock over Jason’s work ethic. Once we are sufficiently well-lubricated we weigh in on North Korea (you’re welcome), and Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment makes it clear that dating sites are not intended to help ladies find new dads for their children. WE take a call about facing adversity, and then get into our latest segment, “True Bromance,” during which Jason reads a letter Christian sent him 24 years ago (hilarity ensues). Christian is biebered by a certain lamely-spelled app, while Jason’s bieber questions what gluten ever did to anyone to deserve to be shunned the way it is lately.

Also, Manpris or Capros? You decide….

Direct download: 2017_07_23_0159.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Episode #158 of DXP is a bit of a clusterf*ck: Not only was it delayed 24 hours due to both of us moving, but the tech issues when setting up to record were such that, well, it just doesn’t sound quite as good as it should. But as our delay demonstrated, you’re all addicted enough to this crackpipe of a show that you’ll give a bit of grace to get your fix. We begin with a voicemail from Omaha of all places, and then discuss our douchebag president’s douche son. Jason is challenged by a caller over whether the Right is more violent than the Left, and then we are both accused of alcoholism by another listener citing the CDC (but in our defense, we are apparently guilty of plenty of other “-isms” as well). Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand that their love of nature’s beauty plays no role in whether we find them so, and “Messed Up Math” explains to male 40-somethings that they’re basically pathetic and the last ones to get the joke. Finally, our “True Bromance” segment shows just how little Jason has changed over the past 20 years. Christian is biebered by his postal problems, while Jason’s bieber has to do with electricity taking itself too seriously.

Also, Schenectady is totally the new Omaha.

Direct download: 2017_07_17_0158.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:34am PST

We begin this episode by (re)visiting the bathroom, and specifically the issues of Euro-boobs and prickly women, after which one of us insists, without having been asked, that he is not an alcoholic. Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment cautions women about whom they include in their online dating profile pics, which springboards into one of Jason’s theories about female friendships in general (hint for the ladies: Don’t let your weight fluctuate too much or you’ll need to find a new group of friends). This week’s “True Bromance” portion of the show features Jason reading a letter sent to him by Christian in 1993, complete with Bible verses and everything. We discuss MMA and violence in general, and receive some pushback from the folks at the 30-Rockers podcast about our recent criticisms of the program. We briefly discuss whether one of us is more boastful about where he’s from than the other and whether it’s warranted (which it totally is), and lastly we consider John McEnroe’s recent controversial claims about men and women actually being different. Christian is biebered by being constantly beeped at, while Jason’s bieber has to do with white people.

Also, those *were* European shampoo commercials we were watching and not porn, right?

Direct download: 2017_07_08_0157.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:19pm PST

Episode #156 of DXP was REALLY fun to record, although chances are that neither of us remembers much of what was said (so to any nationalities, genders, races, or political persuasions we insulted, we apologize). After some initial discussion involving facial hair and bottle rockets we move into some touching territory wherein Christian reads aloud a letter (yes, letter) that Jason sent to him in 1994. We are pretty sure this will end up being a new segment since, after recording, Jason dug up around 20 old letters from Christian. So be prepared to see how frickin adorable our bromance is. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand how not to make us exhausted before we’ve even met, and our “Messed Up Math” portion of the show relays the advantages of weight gain after falling in love rather than before. We read some of Trump’s tweets just for fun, after which Christian relays how biebering click-bait is, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the illusion of actually having a choice when we doesn’t.

Also, we’re both kinda nervous about this episode. Really….

Direct download: 2017_07_01_0156.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm PST

DXP #155 begins with a call from a southern listener who simultaneously bemoans and reinforces all the reasons we mock the South, after which we discuss just how black you have to be to be licensed to use the N-word (All? Half? 25%?). In our “Mansplaining Match” segment, Christian helps hapless women navigate the issue of dating profile pics, after which things take a somewhat depressing and morbid turn as we discuss heartbreak, capital punishment for sociopaths, suicide, and whether video games make kids violent. Jason is biebered by his state’s traffic laws, while Christian’s bieber has to do with something he has done, on average, like twice a year for his entire sad life.

Also, our sense is that “mulattoes” is no longer a thing, but we can’t pinpoint how we know that.

Direct download: 2017_06_25_0155.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm PST

DXP #154 begins with some clarification over ‘90s bands and vocab, after which we take a call that demonstrates just how entitled and technologically inept we really are. We then are asked about the censorship of transgender boobs, which leads us into all manner of personal divulgences from nipple tweaking to masturbating on buses. Once again, Christian mansplains Match.com, focusing on profile pics and what they should include and exclude. In our “Messed-Up Math” segment, Jason outlines the unfortunate formula according to which a man’s cautionary tale becomes his goal. We get an interesting question (even though it’s from the 909) about whether being predisposed to seeing miracles helps people see them and vice versa, as well as voicemails about the treatment public figures receive in response to controversial behavior, why people think the English language is in danger, and whether it’s fair to say that conservatives are more violent than liberals (given recent events). Jason’s bieber is leading him to smoking in enclosed public places, while Christian is biebered by Jason.

Also, there’s just a LOT of nipple in this one.

Direct download: 2017_06_18_0154.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:28pm PST

We begin DXP #153 with some pushback against how we do cultural appropriation, after which we hear thoughts from the former Mexican president about our current one. A caller urges us to start our own church, which we seriously consider for three seconds, after which another listener seeks to put a new song in Christian’s heart. We begin a new segment titled “Mansplaining Match,” during which Christian seeks to help women with their online dating profiles. Another new segment is debuted called “Messed Up Math,” which highlights just how unfair this world is for women. We briefly discuss the phenomenon that is Wonder Woman, which Jason has no patience for, after which we listen in as two famous black guys interview the inventor of the alt-right (plenty of awkward silences ensue). Speaking of awkward racial stuff, we discuss Bill Maher’s apology for dropping the N-bomb, after which the C-word is used toward one of us by an irate caller. Jason is biebered by people who can’t just get over the whole incest thing, while Christian’s bieber has to do with the hassle of eating certain things.

Also, the formula is simple: Pussy plus Time over Income squared.

Direct download: 2017_06_11_0153.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:15pm PST

DXP #152 begins with a lesson in political correctness (who knew that the proper term for midgets is not “People McNuggets”?). We then take a series of voicemails on topics ranging from whether pastors need to pay taxes, what kinds of tattoos we have, and what parenting advice we offer. We spend a fair bit of time talking about black people: Do white people think all black people are pretty much the same, or do they differ based on where they live like white people do? Are black people more easily offended than whites? And is it OK to use the N-word in a joking manner (the way Bill Maher did this week). Our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a poor bastard who got an invite to what he was told was a party, but turns out it was hell (easy mistake). And both of our biebers have to do with paper in our hands.

Also, they have black people in Iowa?

Direct download: 2017_06_03_0152.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:25pm PST

Episode #151 of DXP begins with a voicemail from some joker who expects us to believe he just knows how to spell “sesquicentennial” (but the joke’s on him because Google search results). We then take a very confusing call about “the Game” and how we’ve not only lost it, but have caused countless others to lose it as well (including all of you, as you will discover forthwith). We spend a few moments mocking Trump, both for his leakage as well as for his praise of brutal dictators. We hear from a listener who suggests that the only way to see a ghost is to first believe in them, which causes us to wonder whether this works in the other direction as well (as in, does disbelieving in ghosts make them refuse to appear to you?). We end the show by talking about health care and mutually assured destruction (which sounds like a good idea, except Trump). Christian is biebered by outdated technology, while Jason is biebered by technology that keeps yelling at him.

Also, haha. “Leakage.”

Direct download: 2017_05_24_0151.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Our 150th episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from some girl who’s begging for forgiveness for getting mad at Jason for calling girls “girls” (kidding aside, it was very sweet). We then open a package on the air that basically establishes our feminist street cred, after which we discuss what TV shows we’ve been watching (turns out, The Handmaid’s Tale is only “fiction” if Trump’s presidency ends real soon-like). We take a call about how we mitigate our fear of flying (hashtag, drugs), take another about whether believers are consistent about the whole total depravity thing, and then respond to another listener’s question about why Christian conservatives hate the “life” part of the Constitution’s thing about those inalienable rights our Creator supposedly endowed us all with. After our break we take another voice mail about whether ghosts are real, delving into the question of if there is more to us than our mere physical bodies, and if so, whether we can be visited from the great beyond. Jason is biebered by inconsistent menus, while Christian’s bieber has to do with ironically good acting.

Also, Blessed be the Fruit.

Direct download: 2017_05_21_0150.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:48am PST