Drunk Ex-Pastors

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason wants to know if they’re recording, but he finally has a reason to worry. Jason then regales us with stories from the car dealership, including a recent test drive that went bad, especially for a pedestrian who may or may not be completely fine. Let’s pretend he is. Christian and Jason then talk about “tough love” and whether or not Christians should shun people who don’t live according to their morals. They then discuss the “Christian Right,” how it came to be, and more importantly, whether it should be. A caller claims to have more joy and freedom as a former Christian than she did as a Christian, which we all know is completely impossible. Finally, Jason is biebered by how much more difficult it is to have a conference call today than it was twenty years ago.

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Direct download: 2014_12_24_0023.mp3
Category:Capitalism -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian and Jason go over some new iTunes reviews of the podcast, one of which is two stars and actually ends up being somewhat accurate. They then discuss the new CEO of Sony, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. After a discussion about raising money as missionaries, they take on the concept of over-criminalization and whether or not less laws would cause everyone to start shooting heroine into their eyeballs. They then take a question about how censored their childhoods were and then another question about whether or not atheists are just as bad as fundamentalist Christians. They then reminisce about a fight they had over a lighter and Christian is biebered by joint Facebook accounts.

Also, they get a voice mail from Satan.

Direct download: 2014_12_17_0022.mp3
Category:Kim Jong-un -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian has to deal with an obstinate child named Jason who refuses to wear his headphones and stalls for twenty minutes on a shot he doesn’t want to drink. After compromising, they discuss the manipulative practice of attempting to create Christians known as the “altar call,” and what role this played in them being asked to leave the Calvary Chapel pastorate. They then listen to a wounded warrior describe his experience back in The States which drives home the realities of war in a way that many people don’t ever recognize. Jason and Christian (or Christian and Jason) then address listener feedback including why it’s impossible for Christian ministers to be authentic and whether or not being “born again” requires a complete change of personality. Finally, they are both biebered by torture, but not enough to distract them from pizza.

Also, Jason gives his brother the best bir [...]

Direct download: 2014_12_10_0021.mp3
Category:Catholicism -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after taking a “holiday” shot suggestion submitted by a listener and getting an update on the woeful life of a car salesman, Christian and Jason springboard off of something Jason said in the last podcast into whether or not Christianity should be any different than any other organization or religion. (Or as Christian likes to wonder, should God make a difference?) They then address a listener’s voicemail about speaking in tongues and whether or not anyone is actually doing it for real, especially 3rd graders being filmed by the news. They then address the homicide of Eric Garner by Staten Island police and attempt to answer the difficult question of whether or not being black and weighing 350 pounds is grounds enough for being strangled to death by law enforcement. (Hint: No. Never.) Jason is biebered by literally everything.

Also, Jason uses the word “psycholologize.” [...]

Direct download: 2014_12_10_0020.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 12:38pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian “drunkenly blather on” about a couple of the podcast’s detractors who have quite clearly never listened to the show. They then discuss one of the more important and volatile topics they’ve discussed lately: the new Star Wars teaser trailer. A caller’s comments then launch them into a discussion about skepticism and miracles, and whether or not Jesus’s miracles can beat up Mohammed’s miracles (and whether or not that would make Christian be a Christian). After a voicemail from someone who is definitely not from England, they take another entertaining voicemail from someone who doesn’t dislike the podcast a lot, which leads to a discussion about re-evaluating beliefs based on personal experience. Christian is biebered by insecure drivers and Jason is biebered by having more than one set of silverware.

Also, Christian throws up immediately following t [...]

Direct download: 2014_12_03_0019.mp3
Category:Star Wars -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (emphasis on “drunk” for Christian), Jason puts down the whiskey and drinks beer to assuage the wrath of the Lutherans. Christian claims that referees only get in the way of good sportsmanship, in much the same way that the police get in the way of polite looting. After acknowledging that nothing gets accomplished without a good riot, they answer listener voicemails which eventually lead them to whether or not a terminally ill patient should have the right to die on their own terms before God is done tormenting them with a brain tumor. Jason is then biebered by genre-less radio stations and Christian is biebered by the defiling of his favorite holiday.

Also, Jason falls asleep while Christian is talking.

Direct download: 2014_11_26_0018.mp3
Category:Referees -- posted at: 9:03pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian celebrate their success in iTunes with a new bottle of Scotch, which naturally leads to a discussion about Dwarves tasting Orc blood. After a quick update on Jason’s success as a car salesman, an offer for a free Drunk Ex-Pastors shot glass, and an analysis of a one star iTunes review, they address some negative statements made about Christian by a Calvary Chapel pastor who would like to remain anonymous. Of course, Jason and Christian won’t let that happen. They then attempt to catch up on voicemails and discuss a variety of topics, from whether or not Ruby Red Squirt and a hot dog bun can become the blood and body of Jesus Christ, to whether or not the Bible is misogynistic, and if science and faith can co-exist. Jason is biebered by poor toilet etiquette, and Christian is biebered by poor Bible-verse quoting etiquette.

Also, Christian doesn’t look like Pope B [...]

Direct download: 2014_11_19_0017.mp3
Category:Scotch -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian get an effin awesome voicemail. Jason’s soul-sucking existence is exemplified in a deal on a $3800 gold Chrysler and Christian is devastated and losing sleep over a lost star in an iTunes review. The ex-pastors spontaneously take live questions from Facebook which start with why Mike Seaver is trying to save Christmas and eventually lead to Jason serenading Christian with the theme from the TV show Alice. After re-hashing the weed topic (get it!?) they examine whether or not your energy drink is trying to turn you into a Satanist. This leads to a conversation about whether or not Christians have delusions of grandeur and if those delusions are proof that they’re not actually delusions at all. It’s a bit philosophical…for drunks…and ex-pastors. Christian then explains why biebers are biebering him and Jason is biebered by technology…again.

Direct download: 2014_11_12_0016.mp3
Category:Kirk Cameron -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason does something he hasn’t done in 14 years as he transforms from car salesman to car buyer. After discussing Christian’s annual Halloween party, Jason relays more stories from the workplace, which he describes as “like prison, except you can go home at the end of the day.” Meanwhile, Christian thinks quietly to himself, “Welcome to having a job.” They then discuss the recent election that there’s a good chance you didn’t know took place, and springboard from that into a discussion about how marijuana prohibition is racist. They then take listener questions about whether or not Christian is going to hell, and furthermore, if he is (and he is), whether or not that’s the fault of fundamentalism. Christian then claims that the only way to make sense out of the bible is to do a bunch of mental gymnastics, to which Jason responds that that’s not true, but that there’s not time to talk about it becaus [...]

Direct download: 2014_11_05_0015.mp3
Category:Marijuana -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian decide their friendship wasn’t tested enough during the previous episode’s debate about indoctrination and go for round two. Jason admits that he is wrong, but this sentence is totally out of context. Christian informs Jason about some negative feedback from a non-drunk current pastor, and they also lament the fact that only 23 people like the podcast. Christian is asked by a listener what led him to become an Agnostic, and in fine Agnostic fashion talks about what didn’t push him into it instead of what did. Jason can’t figure out which of his many biebers to discuss and finally lands on one that gives him an excuse to say the “f-word” over and over again. Christian is biebered by insecure, American sports fans who insist on putting down soccer, which causes Jason and him to become insecure, American soccer fans who put down other sports.

Also, Jason [...]

Direct download: 2014_10_29_0014.mp3
Category:Agnosticism -- posted at: 7:51pm PST