Drunk Ex-Pastors (uncategorized)

In this episode of DXP “we”—Jason and the listening audience—are granted privileged access into a private therapy session between Christian and porn-addict recovery specialist Seth Taylor (tackling such sensitive topics as “How does Christian know he’s actually clinically addicted?”; “How often is so often that it becomes a problem”; and “Masturbation-related injuries: what causes them and how they can be avoided in the future”). Semi-kidding aside, we were thrilled to have Seth on the show: he’s an author, mystic, and overall deep thinker who brings a whole lot of humanity to the table as we discuss spirituality, sexuality, and addiction (Jason imagines that this is precisely what Jesus would have done). Enjoy!

Direct download: 2015_09_02_0061.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 11:16pm PDT

Jason and Christian begin episode 60 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by enjoying some immediate karma for a lady who has it coming. They then lament the downfall of their favorite Survivor contestant and Fox and Friends correspondent, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Going from bad to worse, the DXPs then discuss Michelle Carter, pretty much the worst girlfriend any guy could ask for. They then move on to Kim Davis, present-day “Rosa Parks” and Christian martyr, sacrificing her own freedom to make sure the sanctity of marriage is kept intact for heterosexual serial brides like herself. (Not only did three men marry her, but one of these apparently very desperate men married her twice!) Jason likes whatever Christian tells him to like and Christian likes his victory over the establishment. Christian is biebered by yet another way his body is attempting to do him in, and Jason is biebered either by being advertised to or by his own hypocrisy. He’s unsure. 

Also, this episode sucked before Chris [...]
Direct download: 2015_09_04_0060.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by relaying a harrowing tale involving a Mexican native of Honduras who was buried alive, after which we take a call from a minister who admires Christian’s Christianity (yep, you read that right). We then venture into the crazy world of glossolalia, end times prophecy, and TV preachers, trying to figure out if anyone actually believes in this stuff (Jason admits that he misses how exciting it used to be to constantly be looking for the antichrist and fighting the mark of the beast that he’s seriously considering rejoining the team). We turn our attention to the infamous Ashley Madison leak and to Josh Duggar in particular, seeking to determine whether he deserves his public lashings more than others do (yes). Christian is biebered by myopia in the voting booth, while Jason’s bieber involves having to exert himself, ever. 

 Also, we totally need a DXP drinking game.
Direct download: 2015_08_25_0059.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 9:55pm PDT

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with Jason asking Christian to diagnose him after he discovers the depths of his own duplicity and greed, after which we banter a bit about the various presidential hopefuls. Christian then shares an interesting insight that he “read somewhere” (ahem) about our present dystopic existence. We take a listener’s call asking us to reflect a bit about DXP’s one-year anniversary and the highs and lows we’ve experienced doing this podcast (the lows were easier to remember for Jason than the highs were), and then Christian describes his day meeting his son’s new fraternity brothers at the U-Dub. We answer questions about demons, as well as about who Christian turns to in times of difficulty now that he hates Jesus (when Jason [...]

Direct download: 2015_08_18_0058.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:06pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we open the floor up to you, the listener, and let you set the table for the evening’s discussion. We begin by tackling the issue of who would win in a fight between the two of us (Jason didn’t agree with Christian’s answer, but he chose not to press the issue because he hates fighting). We take a listener’s call about vasectomies and miscarriages, and then address Target’s plan to ruin America and force our kids to gay one another. The discussion then takes a turn and we discuss exactly how many self-proclaimed female victims there need to be before we’ll believe that a famous comedian sexually assaulted them despite the fact that he’s really, really funny. Christian thinks he is biebered by randomly-committed airport faux pas, but is actually just being racist. Jason’s bieber puts all of Hollywood on not [...]

Direct download: 2015_08_11_0057.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 9:58pm PDT

In this our one-year anniversary episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by letting the South off the hook and setting our sites somewhere else for a change: Florida (which is technically not the South, even though it’s farther south than the South, which just goes to show how stupid they all are). We then spend a few moments talking about drones, robots, and cartoons, after which we spend the remainder of the first half discussing fundamentalist pro-lifers, and how there’s just. No. Pleasing them. We then take a listener’s call about evangelicals and Catholics, which leads us to a debate about whether Catholics suck way worse or whether they both suck the exact same amount. Christian’s bieber involves traffic etiquette, while Jason is biebered by how logistically [...]

Direct download: 2015_08_04_0056.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 9:43pm PDT

In this episode, the DXPs share their opinions on kids’ sports and Christian’s new Mom Jeans for dads, after which we debate whether Noachian terms should still be used (“Noachian” is an outdated word meaning “outdated”). We then spend some time discussing whether it’s OK to be disgusted both by selling dead baby livers and killing majestic African animals, or if we just have to be saddened by one and indifferent about the other. We take a voicemail about whether Christianity demands participation in war (and if it does, then Jason might be an even worse Christian than Christian, which is quite a feat), and afterwards we insult the South a little bit (because why not?). We then start arguing about who interrupts whom more, which nearly brings the show to an abrupt end. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber, once again, involves youths. 

 Also, guns don’t kill people. Bullets do.
Direct download: 2015_07_28_0055.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the DXPs try to determine whether they are a part of a new-fangled cultural demographic that they eventually conclude is mostly bullshit (but at times eerily specific and correct in its description of them). We then spend some time on the long past-due topic of Keanu Reeves (you’re welcome), after which we take listener voicemails about agnosticism and whether Cherokees and Catholics can date. We then turn our attention to the deaths of the four U.S. Marines killed by Islamic extremists (or were they just everyday, garden-variety Muslims?), discussing: (1) whether America should retaliate for this attack; (2) whether this attack was retaliation for some other attack we already did; (3) whether that previous attack, for which this attack was retaliation, was itself retaliation for some earlier attack done to us; or (4) whether we should get the hell out of the Middle East altogether and turn the region over to Satan. Jason is biebered by hooliganery, while Christi [...]

Direct download: 2015_07_20_0054.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 12:23am PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian begin by discussing whether they feel like they are aging too quickly (in one of their cases) or not quickly enough (in the case of the other). We then address why it is that Christian is “really open” about his personal life (at least about the things he didn’t insist Jason delete from the final version of the show), while Jason seems to be less so. We then turn our attention to the issue of pacifism and whether religious people should be less warmonger-y than they tend to be in this country, after which we tackle the issue of why the youth in Asia are all killing themselves in Europe. Jason is biebered by the increasing obsolescence of the human brain, while Christian’s bieber involves slowing down for cops. 

Also, how stoked is that teenaged Albuquerque kid that Heisenberg totally nailed his mom?
Direct download: 2015_07_14_0053.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:39pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss such topics as: how many times a day a person should look in the mirror, the asymmetricality of Christian’s face, what Jason would be willing to do for ten million dollars, and their waiter from the previous night who looks just like Ryan Gosling if Ryan Gosling wasn’t paid to look like he was “Photoshopped.” The DXPs then throw caution to the wind and jump right into women’s sports and why they’re not as popular as men’s sports in general. If they left anyone unoffended by that conversation, they’ll get to you in the next conversation about the Supreme Court’s rulings on Obamacare and Marriage Equality. Jason is biebered by having to purchase more than one thing when he goes to the store and Christian is biebered by round toilets. 

Also, if your significant other has a pimple, what is the proper etiquette? Do you ignore it or do you point at it and laugh?
Direct download: 2015_07_02_0052.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT