Drunk Ex-Pastors

Episode #169 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with our usual banter and shot (singular this time because, apparently, liquor and Oxycodone don’t mix that well [who knew?]), after which Jason is challenged about his insistence that “Easier said than done” actually applies to literally everything. We take a call from a listener making the absurd suggestion that trucks should not be passed on the right, after which a voicemail from one of our favorite fans gives Christian the chance to give us a debrief on his recent heart surgery. After our break we discuss the life and death of Hugh Hefner, wondering aloud whether he and the industry he helped create is exploitative of women, or just awesome. Our True Bromance segment displays Christian’s former zeal for holiness and gives rise to a discussion about whether people who are still that zealous after all these years are just faking it. Christian is biebered by old people’s listening skills, while Jason is biebered by the implicit message behind being given a Kleenex.

Also, truckers should totally have their own schools and drinking fountains.

Direct download: 2017_09_30_0169.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:41pm PST

Episode #168 of DXP was recorded a couple nights before Christian went under the knife, but will be released just after his heart surgery (meaning these may be the last words from him you’ll ever hear if God decides to ignore your prayers and kill him for no reason). We explore the topic of what we are to think about white teenage girls singing along with hip hop music (does it mitigate their feminism?); we discuss Colin Kaepernick’s protest against racism and brutality and whether a boycott of the NFL is in order (as if anyone would actually do it). Our “True Bromance” segment returns in the form of a letter from Christian to Jason from 1993 in which we learn, among other things, why French Toast tastes so good, and our “Feeding Friendsy” segment touches upon the nature of coincidences. Jason is biebered by being conned by con movies, while Christian’s bieber is about little things that annoy him greatly.

Also, seriously: Don’t take away Christian’s heroin.

Direct download: 2017_09_18_0168.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Episode #167 of Drunk Ex-Pastors finds us both home from vacation (Christian from Mexico and Jason from Europe). After catching up a bit with one another about our time apart (who, us with mutual attachment disorders?), we talk about the recent hurricane in Texas, the victims of which evangelist Joel Osteen decided not to help (our take on this may surprise you). We then begin to experience numerous technical difficulties including batteries dying, damsels calling in distress, a power outage, and a poorly timed rock show. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment focuses on overly narcissistic selfies, “True Bromance” features Christian straight-up preaching at Jason about female beauty, and “Feeding Friendsy” involves missing the forest for the cheerleaders. Jason is biebered by airline protocol, while Christian’s bieber has to do with coppertops.

Also, pig valves. That’s still a thing, right?

Direct download: 2017_09_16_0167.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:41pm PST

This is the description you get when Jason is in Europe and Christian has to write the description and has better things to do with his short life.

Direct download: 2017_08_28_0166.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

This episode of DXP was recorded just as the Mayweather/McGregor fight was getting underway, so we begin the show mocking the sport of boxing, crapping all over the hype leading up to the fight, and otherwise insulting millions of boxing fans. Then on a serious note, Christian shares a bit about his upcoming open-heart surgery while Jason begins to seriously reconsider the whole death-pact thing (according to which if either dies the other must immediately kill himself). We then discuss the recent comments by director James Cameron about the Wonder Woman movie and whether it was the “setback” for feminists that he claimed it to be. We learn in our “Mansplaining Match” segment that there are certain things that can’t be unseen. Christian reads some old emails from Jason for our “True Bromance” portion of the show, and finally, Christian is biebered by hoity-toity movie food, while Jason’s bieber has to do with noise pollution.

Also, boxing? Not that hard.

Direct download: 2017_08_26_0165.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller pleading with us for more decorum, as though “pissing everyone off” were a new thing for us. We take a couple calls about alt-right (read, “neo-Nazi”) protesters and the Antifa movement, after which we hear an interesting and pretty compelling case for NOT removing Civil War monuments from southern parks. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment devolves into the photography habits of Mexicans, and we delve a bit into the topic of reincarnation because why not? Our “True Bromance” segment features a letter written by Christian to Jason that was never sent, meaning that Jason got to read it for the first time 20+ years after it was written. Jason is biebered by his autonomy being commandeered, while Christian’s bieber is so first-world it’s not even funny. It is pretty funny though.

Also, “you got a spider on your tip.”

Direct download: 2017_08_24_0164.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:21pm PST

We begin this episode of DXP in a severe state of melancholy, bitching and moaning for about 15 minutes over how crap our days were and how life sucks in general. Christian then recounts his recent run-ins with two different salesmen (one tried to sell him a garage door, the other a trunk-full of meat. We’ll let you guess which one was successful). We revisit the trans people in sports issue, after which we discuss the recent events in Berlin in 1934 (oh wait, it was in Virginia a couple weeks ago. Sorry about that, I keep getting those two eras confused). After delving into the psyches of these alt-right Nazi protesters we move into our True Bromance segment in which Jason receives quite the dressing-down from Christian via a letter from 1993. Both our biebers have to do with cars: one involving where they park and the other where they drive.

Also, Serge’s espresso with a lemon twist is good, you should try it.

Direct download: 2017_08_19_0163.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:41am PST

Episode #162 begins with a voicemail from a caller who is embarrassed at having left us a voicemail, after which we explain that there’s a space-time continuum (which is why we blasted John McCain BEFORE he shot down the GOP’s healthcare bill, but that episode was released AFTERWARDS). We hear from another caller who can’t believe the kinds of things Christian used to do with his wife, as well as from someone weighing in on that awesome ‘90s movie starring Sinbad where he played a genie (you remember that one, right? Of course you do). We are challenged on our recent statements about trans people in sports, after which our “Mansplaining Match” segment seeks to save women a ton of money (you’re welcome). “True Bromance” features a letter Jason wrote to Christian in 1994 which proves that the former ended up with the latter’s true calling. We discuss the difference between Trump and Jesus in our “Feeding Friendsy,” after which we move on to biebers: Christian’s has to do with buffets and Jason’s with visiting the bathroom after the buffet.

Also, damn that Shazaam movie was good, right?

Direct download: 2017_08_12_0162.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:06pm PST

We begin this episode with Christian relaying his experience with Virtual Reality goggles, which quickly turns into a plan to build a VR sex dungeon in his basement (pics to follow, stay tuned). Our "Mansplaining Match" segment tries to help women realize that ducks don't necessarily have the hottest faces, but that human ones are just fine. We take a call about whether trans people ought to be treated according to their preferred gender always or just sometimes, and we weigh in on our Clown-in-Chief's tweets regarding transgender people serving in the military. "True Bromance" continues, this time with Jason reading a 24 year-old letter from his cohost in which the latter displays his Jedi mind trick skills with the ladies. Christian is biebered by just about everything that takes place while he's behind the wheel, while Jason's bieber has to do with size mattering.

Also, the women's tennis tour is about to get much more challenging....

Direct download: 2017_07_29_0161.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Episode #160 of DXP begins with what by all accounts is a pretty sweet celebrity voice impression. We then take a call from a listener who shares his personal experience with No One (he’s an atheist now), which leads to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between divine omnipotence and human responsibility (hey, we were drunk). We take three voicemails (three!) which, we think, have something to do with community or something. After mulling over the idea of actually starting a church, we launch into “Mansplaining Match” and “Messed-Up Math” (the former has to do with parents and the latter with threesomes). Jason takes a call about why he bothers being Catholic, after which our “True Bromance” segment features Christian reading a 1994 letter from Jason. Christian’s bieber has to do with bottoms, while Jason is biebered by an improper balance of quotation marks.

Also, we should TOTALLY start a church.

Direct download: 2017_07_25_0160.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:53pm PST