Drunk Ex-Pastors
Podcast #120: Women’s Suffrage, Asians, The South, Racism, Bigotry, Email Servers, Late-Term Abortion, Hillary vs Trump, Obama vs Putin, Passing Out, Tying Ties, and Anything Else You Can Think Of

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a delightful ditty performed by one of our female listeners, and continues with a discussion of why we ever gave those females a voice in the first place. We then introduce a new and surely ill-conceived segment titled “Zat Racist?” in which we seek to convince ourselves that we’re not horrible bigots (and are remarkably successful in the attempt). Jason shares another one of his oversimplifications about how two seemingly unrelated things are in fact pretty much the same, all based on the slimmest amount of actual evidence. We delve a bit into the whole “email controversy” and whether Hillary’s scandals compare to her husband’s. After our break we discuss abortion, and specifically whether the rhetoric on both sides is fair or intentionally misleading (as in, is the issue really about “choice”? And does Hillary really advocate stabbing a baby with a fork as it slides out the vag?) Christian breaks down the Right’s contrast of Obama and Putin (the latter of whom, apparently, is awesome), and Jason explains how Karmic Jesus punishes his co-valets for not giving him what he wants. Christian’s bieber has to do with people waking up from fainting at inconvenient times, while Jason is biebered by one of women’s apparently universal skills.

Also: No hard feelings, Asia. We good, right?

Direct download: 2016_10_22_0120.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:43am PDT

Podcast #119: GOP: The “Grab Our Pussies” Party

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller’s accusation that one of us has become too big for his literary britches. We then hear from one of our favorite fans who shares a bit about his family’s struggle and that, somehow or another, our podcast actually helps him cope. We revisit the issue of overprotective fathers, after which we are forced to reckon with the notion that one of us may be smarter than the other (but now that we’ve had some time to consider it, we agree that we are completely equal in every way (wink)). Jason is unwillingly coerced into defending his religion a little bit, and Christian weighs in on a question about whether people should be proud of stuff they didn’t actually work to accomplish (like being American. Or gay). Things turn a little political after the break and we discuss how to be classy and presidential while just grabbing people’s pussies. Christian’s bieber is about everything getting worse, while Jason’s focuses on pizza and ice cream.

Also, has Jason mentioned that he wrote a book lately

Direct download: 2016_10_15_0119.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:52pm PDT

Podcast #118: Churches, Christians, and Valet Parking

Episode #118 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail about a bodily function that one of us may or may not have exhibited and then continues with a caller’s request for an explanation of why there are so many Christian denominations. Jason then shares some stories about the various hijinks and tomfoolery that valets engage in when they think no one is watching (but when there are 700 cameras being used, someone always is). We discuss the connection between Pentecostalism and the prosperity gospel and then tackle the issue of whether God can be judged by what assholes his followers can be. We take voicemails about protesting injustice and the recent comments by Rudy Giuliani, and then conclude with our biebers. Christian’s has to do with his apparently not caring how many babydaddies his daughter ends up having, while Jason’s results from having so much ADD that he can’t even pay attention during a two-minute movie trailer.

Also, those Buddhist monks protesting the Vietnam War were really onto something.

Direct download: 2016_10_04_0118.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:54pm PDT

Podcast #117: Does It Matter if God Exists?

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s example of situational irony which may or may not make one of us feel like the butt of some cruel cosmic joke. We delve into the issue of whether fictional universes overlap (as in, did Jack Ryan ever watch Star Wars?), and then hear once again from our Tinder-using listener, gaining more insight into the world of online dating. We take another voicemail which springboards us into our main topic, which turns out to be whether the whole theism/atheism issue is all just a big overblown misunderstanding. Like, does dogma trump devotion and does law supersede love? We briefly discuss our former church, Calvary Chapel, and whether the alleged affair of its founding pastor was a scandalous deal-breaker or an opportunity for humanity and grace. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” centers on the Christian Right’s support of Donald Trump, and Jason shares some stories about how valets might potentially retaliate against non-tipping patrons. One of our biebers has to do with the logistics or morning intimacy, while the other focuses on supposed national tragedy.

Also, if Jason Bourne ever saw Good Will Hunting we bet he would have thought it was awesome.

Direct download: 2016_09_30_0117.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #116: Irony, Stabbings, and Trusting God

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with yet another caller berating us about our ignorance about science, only this one comes from the most famous cosmologist alive. Christian then provides us with a well-studied and non-ironic lesson about irony, after which Jason gets some well-deserved props for his mockery of the South. We take several more calls leading us into such topics as whether mass stabbings are music to the NRA’s ears, whether doubt on the part of an evangelical leader will get him fired, and whether trusting in god is really any different from betting your bottom dollar that the sun’ll come out tomorrow. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” tackles the utterly disastrous effects of the Obama presidency. Jason is biebered by unnecessary improvements to things, while Christian’s bieber involves feigned outrage over perfectly reasonable insults of certain kinds of people.

Also, if you’d like to leave a voicemail, give us a call at 21-397D-RUN-K.

Direct download: 2016_09_23_0116.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:43pm PDT

Podcast #115: Space Travel, Human Filth, and “Science”

Episode #115 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voice mail involving a Tinder date and a potentially profitable bowel movement, after which Jason is given the chance to clarify whether he hates rich people because they’re horrible, or simply because they’re rich. We again are forced to reiterate our complete mistrust of “science,” and then receive some encouragement about our continual use of movie quotes as well as being scolded for missing an obvious one. A listener challenges Jason’s assertion that his generation invented irony, and another caller causes Christian to explain the Fermi Paradox (we think it’s about those stuffed owl-hamster things from the Nineties). We are then asked by another listener (a guy, or a girl, we don’t remember) about whether we ever bother thinking about who our audience is (we do, as we explained to whoever it was who asked). Lastly, Jason relays what it is like to peer into a person’s soul by means of parking their automobile. Christian is biebered by Facebook trends, while Jason’s bieber involves the HR department.

Also, Donny Don & the Funky Bunch were the BEST.

Direct download: 2016_09_17_0115.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #114: Irony and Openness

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we revisit the issue of whether we ought to be as skeptical about scientific claims as we are, after which we finally put the “better to have loved and lost” issue to bed. Jason shares some thoughts on the issue of irony and how it didn’t exist until his own generation got all cynical and jaded. We then take a call about depression and how ineffective slogans are to help with it (plus, slogans are a dime a dozen anyway). After our break, we discuss the issue of what continually discovering new music has to say about the state of a person’s soul (as in, is one’s media consumption a microcosm that reveals how open- or closed-minded he is?). Christian is biebered by everyday pleasantries, while Jason’s bieber has to do with not caring how disappointed people are with things.

Also, a T-shirt that says “G’Day, Mate”? Seriously?

Direct download: 2016_09_09_0114.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #113: O Colin, Can You See?

This episode of DXP is light on serious content but heavy on verse, so if you’re uncomfortable with two grown men taking turns citing poetry back and forth, best to move along. Before we get to that, however, we reminisce about the hard-hitting episodes of our favorite ‘80s TV shows and take a voice mail about Alfred Lloyd Tennyson. We then commiserate with another caller about the worst (or most awesome) excuse to cut a date short. We take some time to discuss the controversial actions of Colin Kaepernick, a man so unpatriotic he has the audacity to protest authority and the abuse of power (the founding fathers would be so ashamed). Our “Dick Move, God” segment explores the plight of a woman pimped out then cast aside (by another woman, no less), and Christian’s bieber involves a lot of math, while Jason’s demonstrates that he watches too many movies.

Also, only Hank Moody can reference fingerbanging a cat and it be funny.

Direct download: 2016_08_31_0113.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #112: All You Need is Love

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s suggestion about Jason’s comic book alter ego, after which we address the emotional rollercoaster ride that is our Patreon pledges. We answer some listeners’ questions about Seattle and Satanism, and then segue into the danger of listening to the devil’s music. We then turn to our main topic of love, dating, and heartbreak, addressing such issues as “Is the dating scene really that depressing?”; “Is love worth the oft-ensuing pain it causes?”; and “Does fighting for a relationship equal weakness, and does that matter?” Speaking of love, Christian is biebered by trite platitudes concerning it, while Jason’s bieber is about people getting wet.

Also, if you think this show is scandalous and irreligious, you should listen to it backwards.

Direct download: 2016_08_26_0112.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #111: Johnny Scissorhands

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin by reminding everyone that football season is right around the corner, furnishing Cam Newton with endless possibilities for being a complete tool. We commiserate over our most generous patron turning out to be a sham, and then tackle a caller’s question about how to be right when everyone around us is wrong. We revisit Satanism and discuss the writing of sinister messages in one’s own blood (but enough about Johnny Depp). We address Rudy Giuliani’s creative approach to statistics and Trump’s fatwah against Hillary, and then weigh in on how much, exactly, Gabby Douglas hates America. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” questions just how many Constitutional Amendments will be left after Hillary gets into power, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment pours a swallow of malt liquor onto the ground for all those who lost their lives because their great-great grandfathers hated Yahweh. Christian is biebered by having to show restraint, and Jason’s bieber has to do with Geico’s lies.

Also, Christian actually likes something this week! It’s just a song, but baby steps.

Direct download: 2016_08_15_0111.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT