Drunk Ex-Pastors
Podcast #128: Will the Real Antichrist Please Stand up?

Episode #128 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a criticism of our duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” that is not homophobic at all. We then share our opinions about HBO’s series Westworld, which recently wrapped up its first season (Jason had some issues with it, but we agreed that it ended with probably the coolest song ever), and Christian changes his tune on Love (the TV show, not the actual thing itself). We take a call on the topic of sleep paralysis and relate it to the biblical phenomenon of demon possession, and then revisit the topic of ranked voting and whether it could have spared us a Trump presidency. We spend a good portion of time pulling our hair out, metaphorically, while listening to a certain infamous televangelist explain how Donald Trump, far from being the antichrist, may in fact be the real Christ instead. Which is weird. Christian’s bieber has to do with people emerging from forests to kill you, while Jason is biebered by constantly being marketed to when he’s not expecting it.

Also, last we checked Donald Trump isn’t the Son of David.

Direct download: 2016_12_14_0128.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:24pm PST

Podcast #127: Magic, Millennials, and Movies in Heaven

Episode #127 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a description of perhaps the most harrowing dream ever, after which we consider a conservative prophet’s doomsday deadline for Obama to finally accomplish the insidious plans he’s been hatching for the last eight years. We discuss whether David Blaine is a master illusionist, fraud, or minion of the underworld. We take voicemails from a Millennial listener about the financial challenges her generation faces, another about whether heaven will suck because there’ll be no Netflix or weed, and still another about whether marriage just gets in the way of true love. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” asks whether God needs to be dictated to, prayer-wise, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment demonstrates just how far the Lord will go to pull off an object lesson. Christian is biebered by dubious clickbait math, while Jason’s bieber has to do with (you guessed it) fixing what ain’t broke.

Also, Slenderman meets the Ring girl who crawled out of that well? Just peed myself….

Direct download: 2016_12_10_0127.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Podcast #126: Keep Christ in Xmas

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with voicemails from a drunk biologist and a whiskey enthusiast and continues with a caller’s challenge to Christian about whether he is raising fratboy Trump enthusiasts. We take more calls about the propriety of third-party voting and what it’s like to be a politically conservative DXP fan, after which we discuss our president-elect’s opinion on the punishment for flag-burning (hint: it’s completely ignorant and unconstitutional). We follow up a up bit on our discussion about divorce from out last episode, after which we turn our attention to Dennis Prager’s whining about losing the culture war by not hearing enough about Jesus at Xmas time, even though the people who really love Jesus have traditionally hated Prager’s people for being Christ-killers. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s failure at escape techniques, while Jason is biebered by how his body defies all the rules of science, and not in a good way.

Also, Merry Kwanzaa everyone!

Direct download: 2016_12_01_0126.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:44pm PST

Podcast #125: Gen X-ers & Millennials, Love & Marriage

This is the episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors that probably shouldn’t have been made—It was recorded on our second Thanksgiving (celebrated on Friday), we had both been drinking for like ten hours, and it was unclear whether we were even recording that day at all. But as the saying goes, the show must go on. So we threw caution to the wind and, without an outline, our usual segments, or any pre-selected voicemails, we sat down and produced 90+ minutes of material of questionable quality (Hey, it’s two friends drinking and talking, remember?). We began by subcontracting out the intro-banter duties, and then discussed our favorite reality show, which segued into whether the differences between the various “generations” are real or made up. We then talk about Trump for a little bit (because it’s way too hard not to), but spent the bulk of our time discussing a voicemail from a listener who is recently divorced. We springboarded into issues such as why humans marry in the first place, whether we are hardwired for monogamy, and whether there should be a legal marrying age like there is for drinking. Finally, we take a call from some douchebag who claims we suck at science. And Christian is biebered by the rules regarding creepily stalking people.

Also, we’ll try harder next time. Promise.

Direct download: 2016_11_25_0125.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:58pm PST

Podcast #124: Two Words: Paula. Ticks.

This episode of DXP focuses pretty much exclusively on politics (which, we realize, isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But look at the bright side: When civilization as we know it ends in a year or two, none of you will have to worry about podcasts anymore. Or tea. Or cups. Or anything.). We take a voicemail about third party voting and another about the electoral college (about which we have modified our stance somewhat, because math). We then tackle the seeming false equivalency regarding left- and right-wing fearmongering. Our attention then turns to whether Trump is truly “draining the swamp” as he claimed to do, after which we take a chilling stroll through our president-elect’s possible cabinet appointments. We then ponder why evangelical Christians basically put Trump in office despite his being almost as unlike Christ as Satan. Christian is Feeding Friendsied by ignorance concerning what constitutes a scientific theory, while Jason is biebered by having to touch everyone’s food with his filthy hands.

Also, Happy Genocide Day everyone!

Direct download: 2016_11_19_0124.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:00am PST

Podcast #123: Thank God We Are White, Straight Males

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a listener who realizes he probably singlehandedly got Trump elected and then segues into a clarification from one of our Asian listeners about how guys can be bald but still super hot. We take a voicemail from perhaps the gayest dude EVER, and then revisit how deal-breakingly off-the-table male birth control should be since it potentially affects our mood and may cause acne and slight discomfort. Before our break we take an uncharacteristic position on the Electoral College issue. We then hear from Dick Bush, who causes us to address the issue of president Trump and what the next four years could potentially bring. Christian’s Feeding Friendsy brings up how violent and intolerant the Left supposedly is, and Jason is biebered by the water-habits of people on the small and silver screens.

Also, just breathe. It’s gonna be OK. Probably....

Direct download: 2016_11_11_0123.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:27pm PST

Podcast #122: There’s Nothing to Fear But Trump Itself

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a couple aborted attempts by a listener at leaving us a voicemail, after which we do a shot of something so vile that one of the DXPs almost defiles a wastebasket. We take another call that confirms the fears of virtually all anti-pot people (the dude was “on a mountain” in more ways than one). Jason is challenged on his cavalier attitude toward a possible Trump presidency, and the subject of male birth control is debated: Is the resistance to it among men due to their simply being weaker than women? The conversation takes many turns, any of which will possibly piss off hundreds of people. We take another call about whether the practice of rating women on a scale from 1 – 10 contributes to rape culture, but the call wasn’t even from a hot chick so we pay it as little attention as possible. Our “Dick Move, God” segment makes its triumphant return, focusing on sliced up wieners and the price a man pays for rape (50 shekels, which is pretty darn steep is you ask us). Christian is biebered by what happens after a man pees in a public restroom, while Jason’s bieber concerns (gasp!) the parking of cars.

Also, can a white woman get diarrhea on TV for once, please?

Direct download: 2016_11_03_0122.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PST

Podcast #121: Trump/Jay Z 2016: Make America Vile Again!

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from an Asian that isn’t even that boring. Jason then complains (again) about being a casino valet, while Christian displays a measure of actual happiness. Christian laments the new direction his Xfinity internet provider is taking, and then we take a call from a southern listener about what it’s like to find one’s self in the “in-between” stage between one set of beliefs and another. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment tackles the thorny issue of whether rappers need to rise to the chivalric level of  presidential candidates, and we give like ten seconds’ worth of our attention to Pat Robertson before immediately regretting it. Christian is biebered by the best laid plans of screenwriters and men, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the false effects of daydreaming.

Also, do blonde conservative news anchors get less hot the more they talk?

Direct download: 2016_10_25_0121.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:55pm PST

Podcast #120: Women’s Suffrage, Asians, The South, Racism, Bigotry, Email Servers, Late-Term Abortion, Hillary vs Trump, Obama vs Putin, Passing Out, Tying Ties, and Anything Else You Can Think Of

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a delightful ditty performed by one of our female listeners, and continues with a discussion of why we ever gave those females a voice in the first place. We then introduce a new and surely ill-conceived segment titled “Zat Racist?” in which we seek to convince ourselves that we’re not horrible bigots (and are remarkably successful in the attempt). Jason shares another one of his oversimplifications about how two seemingly unrelated things are in fact pretty much the same, all based on the slimmest amount of actual evidence. We delve a bit into the whole “email controversy” and whether Hillary’s scandals compare to her husband’s. After our break we discuss abortion, and specifically whether the rhetoric on both sides is fair or intentionally misleading (as in, is the issue really about “choice”? And does Hillary really advocate stabbing a baby with a fork as it slides out the vag?) Christian breaks down the Right’s contrast of Obama and Putin (the latter of whom, apparently, is awesome), and Jason explains how Karmic Jesus punishes his co-valets for not giving him what he wants. Christian’s bieber has to do with people waking up from fainting at inconvenient times, while Jason is biebered by one of women’s apparently universal skills.

Also: No hard feelings, Asia. We good, right?

Direct download: 2016_10_22_0120.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:43am PST

Podcast #119: GOP: The “Grab Our Pussies” Party

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller’s accusation that one of us has become too big for his literary britches. We then hear from one of our favorite fans who shares a bit about his family’s struggle and that, somehow or another, our podcast actually helps him cope. We revisit the issue of overprotective fathers, after which we are forced to reckon with the notion that one of us may be smarter than the other (but now that we’ve had some time to consider it, we agree that we are completely equal in every way (wink)). Jason is unwillingly coerced into defending his religion a little bit, and Christian weighs in on a question about whether people should be proud of stuff they didn’t actually work to accomplish (like being American. Or gay). Things turn a little political after the break and we discuss how to be classy and presidential while just grabbing people’s pussies. Christian’s bieber is about everything getting worse, while Jason’s focuses on pizza and ice cream.

Also, has Jason mentioned that he wrote a book lately

Direct download: 2016_10_15_0119.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:52pm PST