Drunk Ex-Pastors
Podcast #110: Sexism and the Olympics

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail leading to our resolving, for serious this time, to finally schedule a DXP cruise. After a shot of Hornitos we take a voicemail suggesting we start doing movie reviews, another pointing out what an uninvolved father Jason is, and still another from a guy asking for tips for his devotional trip through the Satanic Bible. We discuss WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s recent release of the DNC’s emails, and then weigh recent claims that the network’s coverage of the Olympics has been sexist toward broads. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” focuses on whether Trump’s promises to deport some people and nuke others is really all that worrisome, and Jason’s “Livin’ Lodge” segment introduces us to perhaps the most entitled douche ever. Christian’s bieber focuses on the proper way to stalk pedestrians, while Jason is biebered by promises that he’ll save 15% of more on car insurance.

Also, that Turkoman Warrior person? Damn.

Direct download: 2016_08_13_0110.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #109: Postmodern Polygamy

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by being reminded of how many babies have “slid out of vaginas” since we’ve been born, and we then compare comic book fans to Trump voters. We take a helpful call with tips for how Jason can write a bestseller, and then spend way more time than expected discussing the relation between postmodernism and man-buns. We explore the issue of how good an actor Bradley Cooper must be to have to convince Republicans that he’s not actually that sniper guy who died, and then weigh in on Utah’s newest Polygamy and Incest Society. Jason’s bieber has to do with inner compasses, while Christian is biebered by Vegas’s ladies of the night.

Also, sorry for not finishing Christian’s Vegas story after the break. #Alcohol

Direct download: 2016_08_07_0109.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:43pm PDT

Podcast #108: A Kinder, Gentler Calvary Chapel?

This episode of DXP begins on a bad note (something involving a caller telling us how hellbound and sinister we are), after which we consider how ironic Trump’s running mate is for decrying name-calling (he’s such a moron). Jason reveals what’s next for his career, after which we discuss whether Bernie ever really felt the Bern. We share our thoughts on the new Tony Robbins documentary, and another caller offers us a devilish deal that’s too good to pass up. We turn our attention to our former church, Calvary Chapel, and discuss whether they’re going liberal (and whether that’s actually a good thing). Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” is hard to narrow down, and his bieber involves TV violence, while Jason is biebered by people who don’t look where he is pointing.

Also, we’re totally open to a Date with Destiny.

Direct download: 2016_07_30_0108.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #107: Caring Capitalists and Selfish Socialists

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail reminding us how annoyed people get when we have feelings. We then tackle the issue of what does and does not constitute a spoiler (and what the statute of limitations on spoiling stories is). After revisiting the Pokémon Go craze we spend some time being annoyed with Dennis Prager’s comparison of capitalism and socialism (you’ll never guess which one makes people selfishly want to capitalize [ahem] on the weakness of others). Jason gives us an update on his book and in so doing discusses the issues of smug certainty vs. agnosticism. In our “Feeding Friendsy” segment Christian explains why Jesus hates black people, and our “Dick Move, God” portion of the show features a young man whose relationship with his father has become a tad strained of late (can’t figure out why). Christian is biebered by elevator etiquette, while Jason’s bieber involves the nocturnal goings-on in the homes of TV families.

Also, we’ve read to the end of Game of Thrones, and the White Walkers totally win.

Direct download: 2016_07_22_0107.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:59pm PDT

Podcast #106: Suffering, Significance, and Pokémon Go

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with  our talking about what we’re not going to talk about, which is all the depressing crap going on in the world (so instead we discuss other, equally depressing, topics happening right here at home). We take a call about the implications of recovering from brain damage to the issue of whether we have a mind and a soul, and then segue into the topic of which TV shows and movies we like to watch with our kids. After a brief story from Christian about several near-deaths at Danny DeVito’s house and a few moments mocking Pokémon Go, Jason launches into his “Livin’ Lodge” and “Dick Move, God” segments (the latter of which demonstrates the lengths to which God will go to defend traditional marriage). Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber causes him to call into question his own originality.

Also, can we get you some Pine Sol with your lemonade

Direct download: 2016_07_16_0106.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #105: ‘Merica, F**k Yeah!

We begin this Fourth of July episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by revisiting the question of whether the shrill, poorly-dressed, and not-even-that-hot presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is treated unfairly because she’s a woman (while Donald Trump apparently faces no media scrutiny whatsoever). We then address the topic of violent intervention in global conflicts (as in, should America do this because it is the right thing to do, or just keep doing it only when it is profitable?). After our mid-show break we continue with the theme of patriotism by discussing such topics as colonization, the Tea Party, and Brexit/Texit (yes please to the latter): Is some measure of civil authority necessary? What about spiritual authority? Where does it end? And is patriotism healthy or kind of chilling? And finally, our “Feeding Friendsy” segment reminds us how reliant on the Bible George Washington would have thought America to be if he had actually said all the stuff that’s attributed to him by the Internet.

Also, as soon as Texas secedes we should build the most ironic wall ever along its northern border.

Direct download: 2016_07_07_0105.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #104: Daddy Issues and Marriage Proposals

In another episode of DXP that neither of us was in the mood for, we wax a bit personal and answer a caller’s question about the various father-figures in our lives (Jason’s will SHOCK you), and then address another listener’s suggestion that the reason Hillary is garnering such scrutiny is that she has a vagina. We briefly revisit the topic of protecting ourselves against the evil gub-mint, after which we introduce a new segment called “Livin’ Lodge,” during which (tipping his hat to his car lot days) Jason tells stories about the crazy goings-on at the Salish Lodge and Spa. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” reflects on the wisdom of Honest Abe, while our “Dick Move, God” segment explores the depths of wickedness on the part of antediluvian natives of South America. Christian’s bieber focuses on the overly hushed tones of actors, while Jason is biebered by bedtime attire.

Also, our podcast title this time is anything but mere exaggeration.

Direct download: 2016_07_01_0104.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #103: The Holocaust, and Other Minor Missteps

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we explore whether Hillary actually does have a better shot of beating Trump than Bernie did (could a self-proclaimed socialist with *that* hairstyle really ever be a U.S. President?). We then take a listener’s call about whether, if Universalism is true, religion has any point. Christian then defends his position on guns to a caller who thinks it’s just ridiculous, after which we discuss whether there should be a statute of limitations of crimes like, I don’t know, murdering 8 million Jews. Our “Dick Move, God” segment is finally back, in which we meet a man who should have known better than to instinctively try to stop something valuable from being damaged (a mistake he’ll never make again, mainly because he got killed for making it the first time). Christian is biebered by restaurant communism, while Jason’s bieber has to do with how not to catch a serial killer.

Also, who would have thought that Germany would be criticized for not punishing people enough?

Direct download: 2016_06_25_0103.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #102: Sexy Schoolgirls

We kick off this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a voicemail about how fugly we apparently are, and then we officially put an end to the discussion over baby-soul popsicles. A listener takes us to task over our insistence that the Obama administration was scandal-free, which springboards into a discussion about what, exactly, constitutes a scandal (does it have to be sexual? Illegal? Both?). Another caller laments the fact that none of her Christian friends paid any attention to her until she decided to leave Team Jesus, which invites the question of whether they really cared about her in the first place. We take a call about the supposed double standard when it comes to school dress codes, and then bring on our very own private investigator to file an in-depth report on the topic from the front lines of Chief Kanim Middle School. And lastly, we weigh in on the Orlando massacre, although at this point what more is there to say? You can’t make a Second Amendment omelette without brutally slaughtering a few gay eggs.

Also, don’t be flashing that collarbone and expect not to get raped.

Direct download: 2016_06_18_0102.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #101: Ice Ice Baby

In this episode of DXP we spend time considering the age-old question, “If you freeze a baby and then thaw it out, where did its soul go?” Well OK, it may have been a bit more sophisticated than that (as in, in cases of frozen embryos or near-death experiences, does the absence of heart- and brain activity prove that souls don’t exist? And if so, is abortion moral?). Then turn our attention to Hillary’s defeat of Bernie for the Democratic nomination (cough***rigged!***cough) and debate just how democratic this Democratic Republic of ours really is. After our break we weigh in on the Brock Turner rape case, covering such topics as consent, sexual ethics, and involuntary castration.

Also, did we mention he should be castrated? Because he totally should be castrated. For real.

Direct download: 2016_06_09_0101.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT