Drunk Ex-Pastors

Episode #151 of DXP begins with a voicemail from some joker who expects us to believe he just knows how to spell “sesquicentennial” (but the joke’s on him because Google search results). We then take a very confusing call about “the Game” and how we’ve not only lost it, but have caused countless others to lose it as well (including all of you, as you will discover forthwith). We spend a few moments mocking Trump, both for his leakage as well as for his praise of brutal dictators. We hear from a listener who suggests that the only way to see a ghost is to first believe in them, which causes us to wonder whether this works in the other direction as well (as in, does disbelieving in ghosts make them refuse to appear to you?). We end the show by talking about health care and mutually assured destruction (which sounds like a good idea, except Trump). Christian is biebered by outdated technology, while Jason is biebered by technology that keeps yelling at him.

Also, haha. “Leakage.”

Direct download: 2017_05_24_0151.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Our 150th episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from some girl who’s begging for forgiveness for getting mad at Jason for calling girls “girls” (kidding aside, it was very sweet). We then open a package on the air that basically establishes our feminist street cred, after which we discuss what TV shows we’ve been watching (turns out, The Handmaid’s Tale is only “fiction” if Trump’s presidency ends real soon-like). We take a call about how we mitigate our fear of flying (hashtag, drugs), take another about whether believers are consistent about the whole total depravity thing, and then respond to another listener’s question about why Christian conservatives hate the “life” part of the Constitution’s thing about those inalienable rights our Creator supposedly endowed us all with. After our break we take another voice mail about whether ghosts are real, delving into the question of if there is more to us than our mere physical bodies, and if so, whether we can be visited from the great beyond. Jason is biebered by inconsistent menus, while Christian’s bieber has to do with ironically good acting.

Also, Blessed be the Fruit.

Direct download: 2017_05_21_0150.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:48am PDT

Episode #149 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a guy from the nicest nation on Earth, after which we briefly revisit the topic of hell (Jason thinks the idea that it is needed in order to keep people in line is mostly crap). We discuss the push-back over Christian thoughts on Artificial Intelligence, drawing from our vast knowledge of sci-fi films to set the record straight. We take a call about the healthcare debate, and then hear from a real-life Trump supporter who, as a white male (gasp!), thinks people need to stop being so sensitive and offended all the time. We hear from more listeners who bring up whether marriage is worth fighting for, whether sharing our personal beliefs is important, and why only our culture chooses the right animals to eat. Christian is biebered by the housing market, while Jason’s bieber focuses on ice.

Also, 4 year-olds with mustaches? Shudder.

Direct download: 2017_05_13_0149.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:21pm PDT

Episode #148 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with the usual banter, this time involving Christian coming out of the closet, whether we get drunk enough on the show, and a story from Jason about this old Indian with the most random bigotry ever. We take a couple calls that help us lay to rest the “girls” vs. “women” debate, after which we revisit the issue of hell (it’s been a while), and specifically whether our notion of justice demands some sort of system of retribution and rewards when all is said and done. We address the House’s recent “healthcare” bill and what supporting it says about a person (hint: they’re either evil or just dumb). Lastly, our “Dick Move, God” segment highlights the demise of a Father/Son business that initially showed such promise. Christian is biebered by some city that ancient Hebrews decimated, while Jason’s bieber has to do with having to finish the job that his server started.

Also, the frickin Irish, am I right? 

Direct download: 2017_05_06_0148.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:02pm PDT

We begin episode #147 of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a call from a slightly inebriated listener whom Christian inadvertently caused to have a very uncomfortable conversation with his grandmother. We correct the inventor of the gif on how to pronounce gif, and then hear from resident millennial snowflake “Dallas,” who displays sufficient contrition over misdefining butt-rock that we hereby absolve him. We then revisit (hopefully for the last time) the issue of referring to chicks as “girls” — in a nutshell, Jason responds to those who he feels criticized him too harshly, insisting that no, he doesn’t “hate women.” Then in a display of delicious irony, Christian spends the rest of the episode exhibiting the very hate that Jason is accused of. We spend a few moments congratulating ourselves on our grammar, and discuss Ann Coulter’s aborted speech at Berkeley. Christian is biebered by ingredients, while Jason’s bieber has to do with dieting.

Also, “colon-rock” is now a thing. Tell your friends.

Direct download: 2017_04_29_0147.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:31pm PDT

We begin our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by noting a drastic change in Jason’s daughter and the discovery of Christian’s dead dog. We then take a call from an entitled millennial snowflake who presumes to correct us about the nature of butt-rock. We take the opportunity to school this whippersnapper and, by extension, his entire ill-informed Johnny-come-lately generation. This leads us into an unplanned discussion about the issue of nostalgia and whether it is a healthy indulgence or not. We take a call from a girl who challenges us, again, about whether it’s OK to call girls “girls” when in reality they’re full-grown girls. This leads us naturally into a breakdown of the North Korea situation, as well as a conversation about whether people on the Right are more tribal than those on the Left (they are). Finally, Christian is biebered by having gas. I mean, having to get gas.

Also, is that Freedom Rock? Well turn it up, man!

Direct download: 2017_04_22_0146.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:06pm PDT

This episode of DXP is fraught with attacks: against how we pronounce stuff, what we listen to, what we write, etc. But as with most prophets and sages, we understand that we are bound to be under-appreciated by our own unworthy generation, yet we soldier on. We take calls about mixing booze with brain injuries, about the nature of fundamentalism as it relates to our über-chaste vice president, and then we discuss the recent woes of everyone’s favorite airline. We discuss the evangelical insistence that American Christians are being persecuted, after which we hear from a listener who is ready to put down Jason’s book after only reading one chapter. Lastly, we discuss whether believing in hell keeps people from thinking outside the box. Our “Dick Move, God” segment teaches us that theft in the name of the Lord is just fine; Christian is biebered by thanksgiving even though it’s Easter, and Jason’s bieber has to do with thinking more people care about him than actually do.

Also, Buttrock. It’s totally a thing.

Direct download: 2017_04_15_0145.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

We begin episode #144 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by settling a long-brewing tech-related controversy (you’re welcome), after which we demonstrate just how secure we are by recommending our audience check out another podcast besides this one. We talk a bit about our concert experience the night before, which account takes a rather overt Shakespearian turn. We take callers’ questions about lying to our significant other, about height discrepancies in relationships, and about helping those who suffer. After our break we discuss Vice President Pence’s personal policy regarding sexual predators (read: women), and disagree somewhat on how we feel about it. Christian shares his Feeding Friendsy, which has to do with religious bubble-dwellers. Jason’s bieber focuses on ageism, while Christian is biebered by the five-oh.

Also, it’s weird how people who live in non-white countries are surrounded by minorities all the time, but seem totally fine with it.

Direct download: 2017_04_09_0144.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #143 of DXP begins with a discussion of the pros and cons of online dating. We talk about whether the old stigmas still apply, how to handle a bad first impression, and whether it’s harder for men or for women. We discuss our TV watching habits, after which we take a call from a listener who asks whether there is a grand conspiracy on the part of the secular media to cover up the evidence for God’s existence, and if so, does that mean that atheistic scientists are dishonest and suppressing truths they know deep down are real? We delve into some personal territory involving issues like co-habitation, marriage, and to what degree children should affect our decisions on these matters. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment involves people who try to be openminded but can’t, and this week’s “Dick Move, God” introduces us to a guy who can’t help but feel he has been cruelly toyed with his whole life. Christian is biebered by climate change advocates and deniers, while Jason’s bieber involves having too many friends.

Also, never draw attention to a black man by following him around screaming about his race.

Direct download: 2017_04_02_0143.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Episode #142 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a listener’s suggestion about a DXP pub meet-up, to which we respond by reminding everyone that in January we will be on a floating pub in the Caribbean Sea (also known as a “cruise ship”) and everyone’s invited. We then turn to spiritual themes, discussing whether prayer works, whether staying evangelical is worth it, and why God constantly tries to make us all atheists by pretending he doesn’t exist. Our Feeding Friendsy segment will almost make you want to start reading your Bible again; Jason is biebered by silence, while Christian’s bieber has to do with people who don’t suck enough.

Also, you have a 3-minute limit for voice mails. It’s not that hard.

Direct download: 2017_03_26_0142.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:46pm PDT