In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss whether excessive drinking is really as harmful as all the experts unanimously warn (turns out it’s fine). We then discuss a recent documentary about The Shining, seeking to determine whether Kubrick was really the genius his most devoted fans insist he was, or whether those fans need to move out of their parents’ basements and do something more constructive. We take a couple brief calls about guns, as well as give some marital advice, ironically, to a caller with a conservative wife. We then turn our attention to the issue of technology’s effects on our culture, and whether democratizing the flow of information is worth how stupid it’s making us. Jason is biebered by his looming death, while Christian’s bieber involves uncharitable hermeneutical practices.

Also, cock rings? Discuss. . . .

Episode #67 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a brief discussion about all the ways Jason is the worst Catholic ever, but then moves on to the question of why (1) if you love guns you’re most likely an evangelical Christian, and (2) if you’re an evangelical Christian you most likely miss the entire point of everything Jesus taught. We take a call from an ex-Catholic atheist asking what the point of prayer is, which leads to the issue of why smart atheists always choose stupid Christians to engage rather than picking on ones their own size. The Roseburg shooting comes up, giving way to a discussion about whether the gunman was targeting religious people, and if so, whether it’s OK to be a religious person who lies about being religious. We then launch into our two new segments, “Dick Move, God” and “Feeding Friendsy,” the former of which tells the story of young women getting crushed to death for not being hot enough, and the latter supplies some important tips for the post-Rapture crowd who got left behind. Jason is biebered by having to waste his time patiently, while Christian’s bieber has to do with subjecting himself to idiots in the noble service of this podcast.

Also, you’re a non-practicing Jew? Hey, I’m a non-practicing virgin!

In this special episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the recent mass shooting in Roseburg, OR, as well as exhibit their hatred of America and freedom by daring to wonder aloud whether anything can be done about this sort of thing (and if so, what). As it turns out, plenty of things can be done (but whether we have the national will to do them is another question).

Also, small penises.

Jason and Christian begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing a post that Jason wrote about how a smidge of agnosticism is worth avoiding the perils of fundamentalism, after which we offer some philosophy tips to a student of philosophy (which he himself asked for, oddly enough). We then tackle listener questions about the supposedly apocalyptic blood moon and the bizarre culture of conservative Bible colleges. After our mid-show break we resume with a mid-conversation comment about “shit vs. blood,” but neither of us remembers what exactly occasioned it (and we’re not sure we want to). We discuss the recent Volkswagen scandal, and then take a call from an old favorite about the pope which, for some reason, is interrupted by our trying to list our top five favorite one-hit wonders. We then introduce two new segments called “Dick Move, God” and “Feeding Friendzy,” and both our biebers stem from the supposed need for social graces.

Also, Christian ladies? You can stop speaking now, because men are present.

In this episode of drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin with a capitulation on Christian’s part toward the color-blind, and then move on to what a man’s chin and legs tell us about his sexual orientation. Jason nods his head and furrows his brow as Christian expresses his frustration over DXP’s Catholic listeners, after which we take a call from an active military listener explaining what exactly “lawful orders” are. Another caller seeks clarity on whether acting gay sends you to hell or whether just being that way is sufficient. We then share some preliminary thoughts on a documentary about the so-called “Purity Movement” (which is that thing of when earnest evangelicals have sex before marriage, but only after promising not to). The topic of open relationships arises, as does the thorny issue of Ahmed’s ticking time bomb. Oops, we mean clock. We turn our attention to the refugee crisis (noting the irony of which segment of society is embodying the “Hate Thy Neighbor” ethic), a discussion which dovetails into the issue of whether democracy can really beat theocracy in a fight. Jason is biebered by Eastern European Mexicans, while Christian’s bieber ends up focusing on the real reason his clothes don’t fit right.

Also, it really is a small world, after all. Just ask Matt.

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors respond to a listener’s misgivings about how we handled the Kim Davis controversy, which leads to a discussion about elected officials, civil disobedience, and what Jesus thinks about it all. Jason tries to tell a story about his dad, which Christian interrupts with something about his own father that is so poignant that it would move most normal people to tears (Jason, irritated at the interruption, politely listens until he can finish his own story). We return to porn (as men so often do), this time tackling the issue of how many boobs a person has to see before he becomes a sociopathic necrophile. Christian is biebered by Catholics who think like Calvinists, and Jason has no bieber since we ran out of time.

Also, that’s right, we forgot: YOUR WIFE’S DEAD!

In this episode, the DXPs banter a bit about Kim Davis’s eye of the tiger, wanting to rock, and all the people God screwed over just to make a point, after which we take a call about the propriety of Christians’ selling their testimonies for money. We bat around the clearly unthought-through idea of doing a Drunk Ex-Pastors college tour, and then field a question about slippery-slope arguments against gay marriage (do they lead to slippery-slope arguments against a farmer marrying his own sister? What if his sister is a dog, who’s black?). We address Detroit’s being enslaved by the dark lord of the Underworld (as evidenced by a new statue of Satan being erected there), although Jason is puzzled because he assumed that Detroit has belonged to Lucifer since the late ‘90s at least. This leads us into, you guessed it, a slippery-slope discussion concerning whether theocracy really is a good idea anymore, because ISIS. Jason gets all Luddite-y again because he fears the Internet, and Christian explains why, in addition to wanting to murder babies, he hates all cops. Jason is in too good a mood to have a bieber, but Christian picks up his slack.

Also, Pig-Taints got your tummy a-hurtin’? Two words: Peppy Bismilk.

In this episode of DXP “we”—Jason and the listening audience—are granted privileged access into a private therapy session between Christian and porn-addict recovery specialist Seth Taylor (tackling such sensitive topics as “How does Christian know he’s actually clinically addicted?”; “How often is so often that it becomes a problem”; and “Masturbation-related injuries: what causes them and how they can be avoided in the future”). Semi-kidding aside, we were thrilled to have Seth on the show: he’s an author, mystic, and overall deep thinker who brings a whole lot of humanity to the table as we discuss spirituality, sexuality, and addiction (Jason imagines that this is precisely what Jesus would have done). Enjoy!

Jason and Christian begin episode 60 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by enjoying some immediate karma for a lady who has it coming. They then lament the downfall of their favorite Survivor contestant and Fox and Friends correspondent, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Going from bad to worse, the DXPs then discuss Michelle Carter, pretty much the worst girlfriend any guy could ask for. They then move on to Kim Davis, present-day “Rosa Parks” and Christian martyr, sacrificing her own freedom to make sure the sanctity of marriage is kept intact for heterosexual serial brides like herself. (Not only did three men marry her, but one of these apparently very desperate men married her twice!) Jason likes whatever Christian tells him to like and Christian likes his victory over the establishment. Christian is biebered by yet another way his body is attempting to do him in, and Jason is biebered either by being advertised to or by his own hypocrisy. He’s unsure. 

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by relaying a harrowing tale involving a Mexican native of Honduras who was buried alive, after which we take a call from a minister who admires Christian’s Christianity (yep, you read that right). We then venture into the crazy world of glossolalia, end times prophecy, and TV preachers, trying to figure out if anyone actually believes in this stuff (Jason admits that he misses how exciting it used to be to constantly be looking for the antichrist and fighting the mark of the beast that he’s seriously considering rejoining the team). We turn our attention to the infamous Ashley Madison leak and to Josh Duggar in particular, seeking to determine whether he deserves his public lashings more than others do (yes). Christian is biebered by myopia in the voting booth, while Jason’s bieber involves having to exert himself, ever. 

Also, we totally need a DXP drinking game.