Drunk Ex-Pastors

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (emphasis on “drunk” for Christian), Jason puts down the whiskey and drinks beer to assuage the wrath of the Lutherans. Christian claims that referees only get in the way of good sportsmanship, in much the same way that the police get in the way of polite looting. After acknowledging that nothing gets accomplished without a good riot, they answer listener voicemails which eventually lead them to whether or not a terminally ill patient should have the right to die on their own terms before God is done tormenting them with a brain tumor. Jason is then biebered by genre-less radio stations and Christian is biebered by the defiling of his favorite holiday.

Also, Jason falls asleep while Christian is talking.

Direct download: 2014_11_26_0018.mp3
Category:Referees -- posted at: 9:03pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian celebrate their success in iTunes with a new bottle of Scotch, which naturally leads to a discussion about Dwarves tasting Orc blood. After a quick update on Jason’s success as a car salesman, an offer for a free Drunk Ex-Pastors shot glass, and an analysis of a one star iTunes review, they address some negative statements made about Christian by a Calvary Chapel pastor who would like to remain anonymous. Of course, Jason and Christian won’t let that happen. They then attempt to catch up on voicemails and discuss a variety of topics, from whether or not Ruby Red Squirt and a hot dog bun can become the blood and body of Jesus Christ, to whether or not the Bible is misogynistic, and if science and faith can co-exist. Jason is biebered by poor toilet etiquette, and Christian is biebered by poor Bible-verse quoting etiquette.

Also, Christian doesn’t look like Pope B [...]

Direct download: 2014_11_19_0017.mp3
Category:Scotch -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian get an effin awesome voicemail. Jason’s soul-sucking existence is exemplified in a deal on a $3800 gold Chrysler and Christian is devastated and losing sleep over a lost star in an iTunes review. The ex-pastors spontaneously take live questions from Facebook which start with why Mike Seaver is trying to save Christmas and eventually lead to Jason serenading Christian with the theme from the TV show Alice. After re-hashing the weed topic (get it!?) they examine whether or not your energy drink is trying to turn you into a Satanist. This leads to a conversation about whether or not Christians have delusions of grandeur and if those delusions are proof that they’re not actually delusions at all. It’s a bit philosophical…for drunks…and ex-pastors. Christian then explains why biebers are biebering him and Jason is biebered by technology…again.

Direct download: 2014_11_12_0016.mp3
Category:Kirk Cameron -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason does something he hasn’t done in 14 years as he transforms from car salesman to car buyer. After discussing Christian’s annual Halloween party, Jason relays more stories from the workplace, which he describes as “like prison, except you can go home at the end of the day.” Meanwhile, Christian thinks quietly to himself, “Welcome to having a job.” They then discuss the recent election that there’s a good chance you didn’t know took place, and springboard from that into a discussion about how marijuana prohibition is racist. They then take listener questions about whether or not Christian is going to hell, and furthermore, if he is (and he is), whether or not that’s the fault of fundamentalism. Christian then claims that the only way to make sense out of the bible is to do a bunch of mental gymnastics, to which Jason responds that that’s not true, but that there’s not time to talk about it becaus [...]

Direct download: 2014_11_05_0015.mp3
Category:Marijuana -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian decide their friendship wasn’t tested enough during the previous episode’s debate about indoctrination and go for round two. Jason admits that he is wrong, but this sentence is totally out of context. Christian informs Jason about some negative feedback from a non-drunk current pastor, and they also lament the fact that only 23 people like the podcast. Christian is asked by a listener what led him to become an Agnostic, and in fine Agnostic fashion talks about what didn’t push him into it instead of what did. Jason can’t figure out which of his many biebers to discuss and finally lands on one that gives him an excuse to say the “f-word” over and over again. Christian is biebered by insecure, American sports fans who insist on putting down soccer, which causes Jason and him to become insecure, American soccer fans who put down other sports.

Also, Jason [...]

Direct download: 2014_10_29_0014.mp3
Category:Agnosticism -- posted at: 7:51pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian celebrate the podcast’s 13th episode with a shot of chocolate cake, followed up with a recap of Christian’s trip to Hollywood and Jason’s week getting to know his co-workers: Bow Tie, Old Spice, Senator, et al. After a momentary lapse into what is possibly a quite sexist discussion and a post-mortem analysis of Christian’s inexplicable loss in the “Best Name” category for his chili, Jason and Christian take on a caller question about indoctrination, which leads to a heated discussion over what constitutes indoctrination and whether or not religious people are guiltier of it than non-religious people. After making up, Christian is biebered by redundancy and Christian is biebered by redundancy, while Jason goes full car salesman and is biebered by anyone who thinks their trade-in actually has an objective value.

Direct download: 2014_10_22_0013.mp3
Category:Indoctrination -- posted at: 8:00pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian start off the show with an experimental shot meant to give them wings. Jason then imparts his best “white-trash scheme” as a free service to anyone needing to send a letter but who is short on postage. As Jason transforms before our ears into a better and better car salesman (and a less and less trustworthy person, obviously), Christian begins Jason’s speech therapy, which, unfortunately for Jason, may last the entire episode. They then check in on the status of Jason’s haters and as a free public service announcement give their listeners a simple way to avoid the Ebola virus. Christian is biebered by (not drunk) ex-pastor Bob Coy, the “Tiger Woods” of Calvary Chapel, while Jason is biebered by any car that costs more than $30,000. (Unless, of course, he is selling it to you.) 

Direct download: 2014_10_15_0012.mp3
Category:Alcohol -- posted at: 12:39am PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian analyze why Jason gave up a comfortable job with a high salary to potentially end up sleeping in his car in Christian’s driveway. (Unfortunately, Jason no longer has a car, which is ironic considering his new career attempt.) The ex-pastors then take on Jason’s critics, of which there are many, who seem to delight in his demise and what they consider to be his inevitable downfall. Speaking of downfalls, Jason and Christian also address those particular critics who seem to be lacking the sense of humor necessary to deal with the “Rev. Jason Stellman” being on a podcast called Drunk Ex-Pastors.

Their resident heckler “badclowney” is addressed as well as [...]

Direct download: 2014_10_08_0011.mp3
Category:Catholicism -- posted at: 8:22pm PST

In this edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian enjoy their first taste of sponsorship, and love it. (Probably because it tastes like Whiskey.) Christian recounts how his family’s recent vacation to Hawaii caused some problems for his daughter at school which opens up a discussion about education in general and how to keep kids from becoming mindless drones. A listener’s message moves the conversation from education in general to sex education, which causes some disagreement between Jason and Christian. Perhaps it’s because Jason doesn’t have all the years of parenting experience that Christian has, or perhaps it’s because Christian’s years of parenting experience have caused him to become jaded. You’ll have to decide. After a short unintentional rant against Capitalism, they end with an homage to Entourage.

Direct download: 2014_10_02_0010.mp3
Category:Culture -- posted at: 9:45pm PST

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason presents Christian with a gift that he needs but will never use; the discussion turns to whether or not the police force attracts people who were picked on in school and therefore need to take out their frustrations on the powerless and weak; we discuss the recent controversy surrounding the lawsuit against our former church, Calvary Chapel, by two of its now-deceased founding pastor’s children; we answer a Twitter follower’s question about whether Jesus and Paul thought hell was a real place of eternal torment; and lastly, Jason exhibits his laser-sharp understanding of how to win at football (besides just shooting lots of homeruns, which is obvious).

Direct download: 2014_09_27_0009.mp3
Category:Culture -- posted at: 11:27pm PST