Drunk Ex-Pastors

In this episode, the DXPs share their opinions on kids’ sports and Christian’s new Mom Jeans for dads, after which we debate whether Noachian terms should still be used (“Noachian” is an outdated word meaning “outdated”). We then spend some time discussing whether it’s OK to be disgusted both by selling dead baby livers and killing majestic African animals, or if we just have to be saddened by one and indifferent about the other. We take a voicemail about whether Christianity demands participation in war (and if it does, then Jason might be an even worse Christian than Christian, which is quite a feat), and afterwards we insult the South a little bit (because why not?). We then start arguing about who interrupts whom more, which nearly brings the show to an abrupt end. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber, once again, involves youths. 

 Also, guns don’t kill people. Bullets do.
Direct download: 2015_07_28_0055.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the DXPs try to determine whether they are a part of a new-fangled cultural demographic that they eventually conclude is mostly bullshit (but at times eerily specific and correct in its description of them). We then spend some time on the long past-due topic of Keanu Reeves (you’re welcome), after which we take listener voicemails about agnosticism and whether Cherokees and Catholics can date. We then turn our attention to the deaths of the four U.S. Marines killed by Islamic extremists (or were they just everyday, garden-variety Muslims?), discussing: (1) whether America should retaliate for this attack; (2) whether this attack was retaliation for some other attack we already did; (3) whether that previous attack, for which this attack was retaliation, was itself retaliation for some earlier attack done to us; or (4) whether we should get the hell out of the Middle East altogether and turn the region over to Satan. Jason is biebered by hooliganery, while Christi [...]

Direct download: 2015_07_20_0054.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 12:23am PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian begin by discussing whether they feel like they are aging too quickly (in one of their cases) or not quickly enough (in the case of the other). We then address why it is that Christian is “really open” about his personal life (at least about the things he didn’t insist Jason delete from the final version of the show), while Jason seems to be less so. We then turn our attention to the issue of pacifism and whether religious people should be less warmonger-y than they tend to be in this country, after which we tackle the issue of why the youth in Asia are all killing themselves in Europe. Jason is biebered by the increasing obsolescence of the human brain, while Christian’s bieber involves slowing down for cops. 

Also, how stoked is that teenaged Albuquerque kid that Heisenberg totally nailed his mom?
Direct download: 2015_07_14_0053.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:39pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss such topics as: how many times a day a person should look in the mirror, the asymmetricality of Christian’s face, what Jason would be willing to do for ten million dollars, and their waiter from the previous night who looks just like Ryan Gosling if Ryan Gosling wasn’t paid to look like he was “Photoshopped.” The DXPs then throw caution to the wind and jump right into women’s sports and why they’re not as popular as men’s sports in general. If they left anyone unoffended by that conversation, they’ll get to you in the next conversation about the Supreme Court’s rulings on Obamacare and Marriage Equality. Jason is biebered by having to purchase more than one thing when he goes to the store and Christian is biebered by round toilets. 

Also, if your significant other has a pimple, what is the proper etiquette? Do you ignore it or do you point at it and laugh?
Direct download: 2015_07_02_0052.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason begins with a riddle for Christian, the answer to which Christian is not sure he agrees with (but then, neither do thousands of PhDs, but what do they know?). We dabble briefly in geopolitics once again, this time weighing the pros and cons of having more female world leaders (because as men, we feel it’s our place to opine on such matters), after which we take a call that causes Christian to ask Jason to hide his erection. We discuss the issue of how “Christian” America was intended to be on a scale of “Pretty Damn” to “Utterly and Completely.” Christian’s bieber has to do with sticky messes, while Jason is biebered by (wait for it) not enough technology. 

Also, trust us: You always switch doors.
Direct download: 2015_06_30_0051.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian revisit WWII and debate whether saving one Jew was worth killing 250,000 Japs (Christian seems to think so), leading us into a discussion about whether someone can be a noble soldier serving an ignoble national agenda (during which Jason accidentally compares the U.S. to Nazi Germany). The subject of racism emerges again, forcing us to rate just how racist Southerners are on a scale of 4 – 10 (there simply aren’t any numbers lower than 4 on this scale), after which we tackle the topic of parents virally video-shaming their kids. Jason’s bieber involves prohibiting white people from naming streets, while Christian is biebered by radio stations in the summer. 

Also, get in line, starving Africans, because our church’s prayer chain is clogging up the pipeline with requests for God to heal little Timmy’s sniffles.
Direct download: 2015_06_25_0050.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian receive some much-deserved props for some past wisdom given, and then dispense even more by settling a dispute involving a caller, his girlfriend, and a lottery ticket. We weigh in on the Charleston shooting and revisit the McKinney pool party, after which we tackle the issue of Rachel Dolezal, the black, oops white crusader for black rights. Is there a difference between her and Caitlyn Jenner, between being a white girl identifying as black and a man identifying as a woman? Is it racist to make a movie called White Men Can’t Jump? Can a guy be in the KKK if he’s black, but blind and doesn’t know it? Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber involves feeling like he is living in Nazi Germ [...]

Direct download: 2015_06_18_0049.mp3
Category:lottery -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the DXPs sound less like former pastors and more like philosophers, waxing profound as we address such topics as the nature of certitude and the role of evidence in achieving it, what the ramifications of artificial intelligence may be, whether aliens exist, and how we know we weren’t just created five minutes ago and pre-programmed with a bunch of false memories we mistakenly believe to be true. And orgies. We also mention those. We then tackle the issue of marriage and divorce, wondering whether ideals can just be good or whether they also have to be true. Christian’s bieber has to do with the clap, while Jason is biebered by being told what to do. 

Also, is it better to succeed at something easy or suck at something awesome?
Direct download: 2015_06_11_0048.mp3
Category:Philosophy -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the drunk ex-pastors begin by reveling in the power we recently wielded to divest the former president of FIFA of his position, after which we debate whether one of last week’s callers was a dot- or feather-Indian, as well as whether saying that is totally racist. We then reminisce about our favorite ‘80s TV shows for some reason, which the cool ones of our audience will love and the ones who are the wrong age will find incredibly boring. Christian gets some much-needed support from a caller, and another listener defends the idea of snobbishness (which Jason, of course, also has no problem with). We answer a challenge to what we said last week about whether death gives life meaning—this time with Jesus brought into the mix—and then we get to the main event: Caitlyn Jenner. Does gender inform sexual preference? Does genitalia determine gender? We tackle these and other questions as we stammer and stumble our way through this important issue. Christian’s bi [...]

Direct download: 2015_06_03_0047.mp3
Category:80s TV -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we consider our audience’s insistence that Christian is the reason people hate pretty much everything, and then delve into the nature of physical attraction and reflect on whether beauty is objective or in the eye of the beholder. A caller introduces the topic of Calvary Chapel, to which we respond by pointing out that our former megachurch has now become the “establishment” that it once stood up to (hashtag, IronyRules). The possibility of religious certainty is mulled over, and the corruption of FIFA is discussed (“FIFA,” for you Americans, is like the NBA. Just replace “National” with “Worldwide” and “Basketball” with “Football.” Then replace “Football” with “Soccer.”). We then spend a considerable time breaking down the scandal involving the Children of the Corn. I mean, the Duggars. Christian is biebered by technology, again, while Jason’s bieber stems from his resentment at being marketed to. 

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Direct download: 2015_05_28_0046.mp3
Category:Church -- posted at: 10:09pm PDT