Drunk Ex-Pastors

In this episode, the drunk ex-pastors begin by reveling in the power we recently wielded to divest the former president of FIFA of his position, after which we debate whether one of last week’s callers was a dot- or feather-Indian, as well as whether saying that is totally racist. We then reminisce about our favorite ‘80s TV shows for some reason, which the cool ones of our audience will love and the ones who are the wrong age will find incredibly boring. Christian gets some much-needed support from a caller, and another listener defends the idea of snobbishness (which Jason, of course, also has no problem with). We answer a challenge to what we said last week about whether death gives life meaning—this time with Jesus brought into the mix—and then we get to the main event: Caitlyn Jenner. Does gender inform sexual preference? Does genitalia determine gender? We tackle these and other questions as we stammer and stumble our way through this important issue. Christian’s bi [...]

Direct download: 2015_06_03_0047.mp3
Category:80s TV -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we consider our audience’s insistence that Christian is the reason people hate pretty much everything, and then delve into the nature of physical attraction and reflect on whether beauty is objective or in the eye of the beholder. A caller introduces the topic of Calvary Chapel, to which we respond by pointing out that our former megachurch has now become the “establishment” that it once stood up to (hashtag, IronyRules). The possibility of religious certainty is mulled over, and the corruption of FIFA is discussed (“FIFA,” for you Americans, is like the NBA. Just replace “National” with “Worldwide” and “Basketball” with “Football.” Then replace “Football” with “Soccer.”). We then spend a considerable time breaking down the scandal involving the Children of the Corn. I mean, the Duggars. Christian is biebered by technology, again, while Jason’s bieber stems from his resentment at being marketed to. 

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Direct download: 2015_05_28_0046.mp3
Category:Church -- posted at: 10:09pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after Christian brings our attention to a recent sex scandal involving a middle school teacher’s storage closet and Jason weighs in on how little Israel matters to the issue of biblical prophecy, the DXPs put the matter of the “dad bod” to rest for good (not because it’s not an interesting topic, but because it apparently can’t be addressed without anger, hurt feelings, nearly destroyed iPads, and the majority of the discussion left on the cutting room floor). After the mid-show break (and after Jason issues his hat-in-hand mea culpa) we take a few listeners’ questions, addressing such fundamental questions as “What does God look like?” and “If Jason is so smart, why the hell can’t he find a job?” Christian is biebered by something technological (now there’s a role reversal), while Jason’s bieber involves the food-ordering practices of adventurous eaters. 

 Also, we’ll take The Rapist for $200, Alex [...]
Direct download: 2015_05_20_0045.mp3
Category:sex scandal -- posted at: 1:40pm PDT

In this episode, Jason takes one for the DXP team by saying all kinds of controversial crap about Israel, Texas, and women (he’s not all detestable, really. He’s just tired of his BFF getting picked on over the whole “Christians should kill their children” dust-up and wanted to divert attention). Christian tells a story involving a near brawl at his son’s soccer match. Between the parents. Speaking of skirmishes, a caller asks about the conflict in the Middle East to which we offer nothing remotely resembling constructive advice (beyond Christian’s prohibiting the Bible from having any say in the matter). Jason defends his track record of insulting Texas to a caller from Texas, and is thankfully made to understand that the Lone Star State isn’t nearly as trashy as Arkansas. We then plunge headfirst into the “Dad Bod” craze, much to Christian’s discomfort. Jason is convinced his dismissal of the controversy over the so-called double standard is justified, and tha [...]

Direct download: 2015_05_13_0044.mp3
Category:Dad Bod -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the DXPs reluctantly revisit the topic of murdering our children: Christian makes it clear that he does not encourage this, while Jason entertains the idea on grounds of annoyance rather than religion. We then seek to get to the bottom of the sinister satisfaction that many fundamentalists seem to display at the idea of hell involving eternal torment (they give the phrase “Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom” a whole new meaning). Christian then observes that Catholics and Muslims seem to be having a culture war “baby-off,” which worries him significantly regardless of who wins (Jason is rooting for the saintly Westerners against the filthy war-mongers). Christian is biebered by bottles and buttons, while Jason’s bieber involves bothersome boxing bouts (our biebers this week are brought t [...]

Direct download: 2015_05_05_0043.mp3
Category:Politics -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian test out their interview skills on one of their oldest and closest friends, Michael Hernandez. After trying to figure out why Michael would choose to be gay with all the girls who were throwing themselves at him in high school, the DXPs do their best to determine if this choice of his means eternal darkness or whether or not God may spare him since at least he’s not Agnostic. (Sorry, Christian.) They reminisce about their good old days as bigoted fundamentalists and aspiring professional bowlers, acknowledging that Michael probably “bumped the twig” quite a bit more often than they did. Christian tries to get to the bottom of why marriage is important to the gays (or to anyone for that matter) while Jason offers his views of how Christians should treat the gay community. Christian refuses to accept Tom Cruise as gay and Jason refuses to accept Neil Patrick Harris as straight, while Michael is un [...]

Direct download: 2015_05_02_0042.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 7:38am PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian opens up and shares with us good saintly folks what it’s like to be a vilified, persecuted agnostic (and if he thinks God’s going to help him out with this problem, he can frickin think again). He then amuses Jason with his slurred speech, which must be contagious since by episode’s end Jason sounds like he is speaking in slow motion. The issue of the Baltimore riots gives way to a discussion of such systemic issues as wage slavery, sweatshop labor, and the crime of Driving-While-Black (geez, some people always find a reason to complain, right?). A listener’s call opens up the matter of marriage equality, causing the DXPs to discuss whether the church or the state should have any say in marriage in the first place. Jason is biebered by mathematically incorrect attempts at voicing one’s agreement, while Christian’s bieber stems from his being way too gentlemanly a spectator at sporting events. 

Also, if [...]
Direct download: 2015_04_28_0041.mp3
Category:Slavery -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

So this is 40, meaning Drunk Ex-Pastors is now officially old (like a 40 year-old man or 27 year-old woman [hey, don’t shoot the cultural messenger]). In this episode, Jason and Christian celebrate their geriatric status by swapping stories about shaving and unwanted body hair. We then bicker about whether Christian’s constant interrupting of Jason is due to the latter’s verbosity or the former’s impatience, both of which we trust are incredibly endearing. We then consider an alternative voting system that makes enough sense to never be implemented in a million years, after which we tackle the issue of money in politics. A listener’s question about the so-called “age of accountability” opens up a massive can of worms, leaving Jason vulnerable to the thorny charge of not being faithfully religious enough to murder his own children. Christian’s bieber involves his obsessive attention to a balanced check book, while Jason is biebered by any problem that can’t be solv [...]

Direct download: 2015_04_23_0040.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors do their best to live up to their names (Christian introduces a new cocktail to the arsenal, while Jason does his part by drinking several margaritas before show time). After briefly revisiting the issue of police brutality, we let our inner Californians show by divulging some of our driving habits, including the theory that driving twice the speed limit reduces one’s chances of getting a speeding ticket by half (math is hard). The DXPs then share some tips for avoiding traffic fines and ignoring overly-inquisitive borders patrol guards, as well as give a bit of insight into why we ignore all of your Facebook friend-requests. We take a listener call about whether we are prejudiced against Islam, that most violent and backward of all religions (of course we’re not). Another caller tries to drag us into a debate over abortion, which bait we wisely slash fearfully refuse to take. Christian is biebered by New Jersey governor C [...]

Direct download: 2015_04_16_0039.mp3
Category:Uncategorized -- posted at: 10:08pm PDT

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the various forms of police brutality that have been making headlines of late (yeah, yeah, we know: Not all cops are bad cops. But the way things are going, the po-po’s gotta earn the benefit of the doubt rather than being given it). We then discuss C.S. Lewis’s argument that Christ is either “a liar, a lunatic, or Lord,” and even listen to Bono’s version of the trilemma, and yet Christian still manages to harden his heart and resist the holy and inspired Word of Bono. And God. We take a listener call about the relation of faith to science and, much to Christian’s annoyance, Jason takes a completely reasonable and intellectually respectable position that refuses to see any rift between the two. Another voicemail [...]

Direct download: 2015_04_09_0038.mp3
Category:Shooting -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT