Drunk Ex-Pastors (general)
Podcast #80: A Conservative Guide to Liberalism

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins (much to Jason’s distaste) with a tale of vomit, poo, and Christian’s supposedly comforting bedside manner. We then take a call from a listener whose holiday cheer rivals that of the Grinch, but which leads to a discussion about which is more indicative of Christianity: Frosty the Snowman or the Easter Bunny. We then turn our attention to a video by the Jewish conservative radio personality, Dennis Prager, on the supposed differences between Right- and Left-wingers. We can barely make it through more than a few seconds at a time without having to hit Pause and politely (or not-so-politely) demur, but at least we learn from it that rape on college campuses is a myth, so I guess there’s that. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment details all the parallels between Obama and Hitler (during which Jason suggests a massive bet with the audience potentially involving thousands of dollars), after which we take another call accusing us of hate-speech and unfair ridicule (Us? Ridicule? Come on!). Jason’s bieber betrays his disgust towards man’s best friend, while Christian is biebered by the British.

Also, what am I going to do with a gun rack?

Direct download: 2016_01_04_0080.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #79: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by taking a call that causes us to wrestle with the proper term for cripples (as in, is it wrong to call them cripples? We aren’t sure, but we’re looking into it). We then take another voice mail from the same listener, but we become distracted by trying to outdo one another with our best Midwest accents (ookee dookee, y’betcha). After we have sufficiently amused ourselves we deal with her actual question, which results in our spending a good chunk of time addressing the issue of fostering and maintaining relationships with people with whom we disagree over significant issues. We take a voice mail about Satanism and another about good guys with guns, and then move on to another installment of our segment, “Go Home, Google, You’re Drunk.” In our “Dick Move, God” segment we are introduced to an evangelist who is so unsuccessful that not even the good Lord himself is willing to help the poor guy out, which leads us to the issue of what it would take to lure our resident agnostic back into the Christian fold.

Also, we apologize in advance for anyone we offended in this episode. Political correctness is hard (and we’re not even cripples).

Direct download: 2016_01_02_0079.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #78: Patriotism or Christianity?

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with one final bit of blowback from our interview with Cash Peters—and this one’s priceless—which leads us into a reflection about the Fundamentalist’s pathological need to find a threat or demon lurking behind every tree (can’t an innocent erotic chakra massage be religiously neutral? Geez. Relax, people). We then banter a bit about the new Star Wars film and address a caller’s feedback about Princess Leia’s collagen-filled lips, after which we take another call about the personal and relational price of no longer towing the religious party line. Another listener’s question about Jerry Falwell Jr. and Liberty University’s open-carry gun policy leads to an in-depth discussion about Christianity and pacifism: Should believers be more American by arming themselves on the one hand, or try to, I don’t know, imitate Christ on the other? Our “Feeding Friendzy” segment addresses the problem of our president having such an easy time implementing his communist agenda (will the Right *ever* stand up to him and say “No”?). Christian is biebered by the lawless wilderness that is his daughter’s school parking lot, while Jason’s bieber involves The Force and its rape-implications.

Also, say hi to your mother for me, alright?

Direct download: 2015_12_22_0078.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #77: Star Wars, Hitler, and Princess Leia’s Lips

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with an in-depth breakdown of the New Star Wars film that neither of us had seen yet (turns out it was awesome), after which we debrief a bit about the Cash Peters interview from our last show. Christian then describes how his company does “mission trips,” which is weird since it makes no sense to do nice things for underprivileged people when you hate Jesus. We address a caller’s observation that we are “sarcastic” (wow, you figure that out on your own, genius?), and then address Bernie Sanders’s suggestion that ISIS was caused by styrofoam Big Mac containers and AquaNet. We then turn to the question of how alike Trump and Hitler are on a scale of 6-10, after which we springboard from Princess Leia’s lip implants to Hollywood’s preference for young, thin women. In our “Feeding Friendsy” segment we weigh in on whether Confederate flags and crescent moons are the same, and our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a budding entrepreneur who loses his business and meets financial ruin because he didn’t think to purchase demon insurance. Christian is biebered by elevator etiquette, while Jason’s bieber involves messy nuts.

Also? By choice, man!

Direct download: 2015_12_15_0077.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:06pm PDT

Podcast #76: Guest Cash Peters

In this episode, the DXPs welcome mystic, TV personality, radio host, handwriting analyst, and author Cash Peters into the studio (he’s kind of like the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” guy, just with a British accent and teeth). In our first hour, Cash analyses our handwriting and is deeply surprised by what he learns about Jason (although Christian thinks the analysis was pretty much right on target). After our break Cash describes his experience visiting the healer John of God in Brazil (do true healings happen there? Are they attributable to God?), after which we again return to Jason and what a frustrating experience he makes listening to this show to be (during which Jason falls asleep). Cash shares his bieber with us, which involves times long ago in galaxies far, far away.

Also, you’ve now heard the terms “Mancunian” and “Liverpudlian.” You’re welcome.

Direct download: 2015_12_09_0076.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:09pm PDT

Podcast #75: Killing Abortionists Stops a Beating Heart

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian begin by discussing some of the blowback from last week’s interview with Dan Savage, and then take a series of voicemails on topics ranging from how sexy our voices are to whether we should have free college tuition, and from the refugee crisis to whether we truly mock God on our show. We address the issues of modern evangelical culture and persecution in America, after which Christian gets super pissed at his kids and we all get to hear what that sounds like. Dick Bush calls in for tips on becoming a good “agnostical,” and we introduce a new segment called “Go Home, Google, You’re Drunk” which leads to a discussion about elitism, tastemakers, and how stupid everyone is. We then spend a good deal of time arguing about whether, how, and how cavalierly abortion doctors should be killed. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we meet a man who was fired for sustaining an on-the-job injury, and Jason is biebered by how pointless it is to listen to podcasts.

Direct download: 2015_11_30_0075.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #74: Guest Dan Savage

In this episode, the DXPs sit down with infamous sex advice columnist and gay-rights activist Dan Savage. Highlights include Christian telling a vagina-centric story that shocks Dan and renders him speechless (no easy feat in his line of work), and Dan connecting with Jason over their mutual love of musical theater (to the point where Dan refers to him as “Girl!”). Dan discusses his sexuality, the Catholicism with which he was raised, and the origins of his “It Gets Better” project. And in a shocking display of vulnerability no doubt occasioned by his drinking almost an entire bottle of sparkling rosé, Dan tips his hand and discloses the various insidious elements of the Gay Agenda™. The discussion finally turns to divorce, cheating, and why gays want to be married so badly when straight people are finding less and less use for it.

Also, that thing of when an openly non-monogamous married gay man welcomes you home to Mother Church? Priceless.

Direct download: 2015_11_16_0074.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #73: Compassion vs. Conservatism

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by finally tackling the age-old question, “If you’re blind, how much does it matter if your spouse is hot or not?” As you may guess, a query of this magnitude has multiple layers of nuance, but we do give our best shot at an answer. We then resist a caller’s temptation to try to steal food from the mouth of a homeless, as well as engage with another caller about the difficulty of wanting to be yourself in public but not being free to. Another listener suggests a “new way” to conceive of God and Christianity, about which our resident agnostic is uncertain and doubtful (shocking, we know). We briefly discuss the thorny issue of “stumbling our weaker brother” before we dive into our main topic: the refugee crisis in Europe and throughout much of the world (and you’ll never guess which segment of society has found a way to be on the wrong side of yet another issue!). Christian shares his thoughts on our obviously Islamophile president, while Jason tells a heart-wrenching story about being robbed of positive male role models. Christian is biebered when people are no longer marginalized but celebrated, while Jason’s bieber will leave you on the edge of your seat clinging to his every word.

Also, marshmallows with a nice chemical topping? Yummmmm….

Direct download: 2015_11_19_0073.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:01pm PDT

Podcast #72: Divine $h!t Happens

In our very first video-recorded episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (courtesy of David and Kevin from the Charred Barrel Society), Jason and Christian explore the merits of a new religion called “Pastafarianism,” after which we address the “War on Christmas” and the supposedly nationwide outcry over Starbucks’ new holiday cups in particular. We then take a listener’s question about how much a potential president’s religion matters before addressing the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. We spend a fair bit of time debating another caller’s question about whether prayer really works, which leads us down various rabbit holes such as why God allows evil, what role free will plays in God’s plan, and whether biblical history really functions the way many believers wish it did. Our attention then turns to the phenomenon of non-religious people sending their children to Christian schools, which causes our resident agnostic to both bemoan his own youth while simultaneously wondering whether his own kids could use a bit more Jesus in their lives. Our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to someone who unfortunately seemed to experience God killing their good parent while praising the crappy one. Christian is biebered by Hollywood money, while Jason’s bieber involves having clueless followers.

Also, “Don’t worry about the vase.”

Direct download: 2015_11_14_0072.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT

Podcast #71: Virtual Friends, Counsellors, and Confessors

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors opens with a brief discussion of whether Time magazine’s fourth most-powerful person in the world deserves the label, after which we take a call from (and are shocked at the libido of) the world’s most brilliant theoretical physicist. We turn our attention to the irony that is Seattle’s Amazon Books superstore, which is intertwined with the topic of technology, leading us to the not-so-futuristic issue of self-driving cars and whether they’ll be as “safe” as the ones that human idiots drive. We then touch upon Bernie Sanders’s views of marijuana and the gays’ plan to make the human race extinct. After our break we discuss Australian (ex)model Essena O’Neill and her renunciation of social media, on social media, which brings up the broader topic of just how healthy it is that online forums have replaced real flesh-and-blood counselors for so many young people in our culture. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we learn how to get out of paying your debts with the help of the Spirit. Jason is biebered by the effects of changing your email address, while Christian’s bieber involves unnecessary wastes of his time.

Also, Lesbian Island? Yes please.

Direct download: 2015_11_05_0071.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:00pm PDT